LINDA HAMILTON | Q & amp;A 'Terminator' actress talks about her bipolar disorder
She said she wants others to avoid the suffering.
WASHINGTON (AP) -- "Terminator" fans know Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor -- tough as nails and out to save the world. But in real life, Hamilton was having trouble saving herself.
Hamilton recently revealed that she's bipolar. She has struggled with depression most of her life and was a compulsive eater as a child. She knew something was wrong, but she didn't know what.
For 20 years, she tried different therapies and treatments in a desperate search for answers. She was finally diagnosed ten years ago. Once she got her illness under control, she decided (well before Jane Pauley's similar announcement last month) to talk about it.
To help others
Why? So others don't have to suffer as she did, and to promote a program that stresses exercise and good eating for people who suffer from mental illness.
Q. The "Terminator" movies gave you an image as a tough cookie. Did you feel that way yourself?
A. I became this sort of iconic figure of fitness and toughness and I was like, "Oh, no, no no, you don't want to be like her." She was a woman in hell, a woman that was suffering horribly. Please don't mistake who I am for who that character is.
Q. Were you tough to live with in those years?
A. If I was suffering or angry with my husband over the smallest slight, he would suffer. And if we happened to be with his brother and sister-in-law, they would suffer. There was no capacity to remove myself from my condition and think about other people in the room and how they might not want to have to be dragged into this, so it was all about me.
Q. How many years before you found out what was wrong?
A. I would say 20 full years of symptoms, not counting my childhood. From 20 to 40. I call them my lost years.
Q. Were you having severe mood swings?
A. Very severe. My first husband said you have the most incredible joy and the most incredible sorrow that goes with it. Without giving it a name, he had pretty much summed it up for me.
Q. How were you finally diagnosed?
A. About 10 years ago, when I really was crashing and burning, had spent many years, you know, not only looking for the answers but sort of self-medicating with drugs and alcohol as well, and was struggling to keep my marriages intact. It was at that point that someone wouldn't let me out of his office. He said, 'You are so seriously bipolar. You should not leave this office without me calling your primary physician and we need to get you on medicine.'
Q. Why are you going public now?
A. My quality of life is more amazing than I ever could've imagined in those 20 years of struggling with illness. In those 20 years, I did not know the meaning of the word hope. It was just a bleak, difficult existence. With all the gifts, with all the successes that I had, it was still an incredibly bleak way of living, and I want to be a messenger of hope. I have 20 years of self-interest. It was all about Linda, Linda, Linda, Linda, and I want to make up for that time and spread the word that there is help available. I want to destigmatize the words mental illness. Somebody needs to come out and make this OK for people to talk about and get help and take advantage of the resources.