She's not waiting around for husband's abuse to start

Dear Annie: I have been married for six years. My husband, "Rob," is a great guy, but occasionally, he can lose control of his temper. It doesn't happen frequently, but when it does, it gets scary.
I have a 5-year-old boy and a newborn. My son likes to wrestle with his father, but he sometimes gets carried away, and it can end up with Rob becoming very angry. The last time this happened, Rob went into the kitchen, came back with a pair of sharp scissors and pointed them at our son. I thought he was insane. Later, he apologized and said it was just a joke in bad taste.
What kind of father plays a joke like that? And it isn't the first time. But whenever we talk about it, Rob manages to spin things to make it seem as if I've been abusive to him. I have never done a thing to him. Rob doesn't beat me or anything, so I'm not actually an abused wife, but he worries me. I don't want to wait around until the hitting starts. What should I do? Confused and Worried Mother
Dear Mother: There is more than one kind of abuse, and it sounds as if Rob is over the edge. A caring and sensible father does not threaten his son with a weapon, even in jest. We called the Domestic Violence Hotline and were told this is Rob's way of maintaining control and power. They suggested you call someone on staff now to develop a safety plan for you and your children. The number is (800) 799-SAFE (800-799-7233).
Dear Annie: We recently moved to a perfectly lovely rural area in West Virginia. One of our neighbors, however, uses his front yard as a dumping ground for all kinds of junk. He recently added an old exercise bike to his exposed junkyard, and it stands up straight for all the world to see.
How do we politely ask this neighbor to clean up his yard without starting off on the wrong foot in the area? To us and other neighbors who witness this scene every day, this person is very inconsiderate. We are sick of looking at his junk pile. Please help us approach this problem the right way. Buried in West Virginia
Dear Buried: Before assuming the neighbor is inconsiderate, try talking to him about the eyesore in the front yard. He may believe it's an artistic statement. Be as polite and kind as possible, while explaining that his hobby devalues the look of the entire neighborhood. Perhaps several of you can offer to help him move the stuff to another location, or at least behind the house where it is less visible. If he refuses or becomes hostile, you can try mediation through the National Association for Community Mediation, 1527 New Hampshire Ave. N.W., Washington, D.C. 20036-1206 (www.nafcm.org).
Dear Annie: I am a single parent, struggling to support my child. I just moved 800 miles away from my boyfriend, "Nate," in order to live with my stepfather and attend college full time. I want a decent career for my daughter's sake.
Nate and I were living together, although it was mostly for financial reasons. We have a wonderful relationship and agreed to continue it long distance. However, Nate took it hard when I left. He became depressed and emotional. It's been a month now, and he rarely wants to talk on the phone and doesn't reply to my letters. Yet, he says he misses me. I don't want to lose him. Any advice? Massachusetts
Dear Massachusetts: Would Nate consider moving closer to you? If not, he needs to understand that long-distance relationships are difficult to maintain and both parties must be committed to sticking it out. Nate's emotional withdrawal is his way of punishing you for leaving. Since he is otherwise wonderful, give him a little more time to adjust.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
Creators Syndicate
Copyright 2004 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.