KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox He hasn't forgiven wife's infidelity

Dear Annie: I'm a 41-year-old man who has been with my wife, "Christine," since high school. We have been married for 12 years, and I adore her deeply.
Four years ago, Christine became pregnant, and I was on top of the world. She gave birth to a terrific little boy. However, I noticed right away that he was a bit more "tan" than I expected. A few months later, Christine became a little intoxicated one night and told me my son was, in fact, not mine. He was a biracial child from an affair she had with a man at her office.
I was so attached to the baby that I forgave Christine, but in the back of my mind, I really haven't. I feel cheated, not to mention foolish for not knowing what was going on behind my back. When I try to explain this to Christine, she turns it around and makes me out to be the bad guy. She says the baby did nothing wrong.
Right now, I am staying in the marriage only because of this child, but if I leave, I'll feel guilty. What should I do? Confused and Hurt
Dear Confused: The baby did nothing wrong, but that doesn't let Christine off the hook. Has she at least expressed remorse for her affair or made any effort to regain your trust? Forgiving an affair takes time and effort, and usually, marriage counseling. Christine should be willing to work on this with you. Also, if you leave, Christine could create legal problems regarding custody of a child that is not biologically yours. See an attorney before you make any major decisions.
Dear Annie: I am the new head cheerleading coach at my daughter's very small high school. My daughter, "Amanda," has cheered for several years and has even won national honors.
During this upcoming school season, Amanda plans to try out for captain of the squad. She is highly competent and well-qualified for the position. She is certain that if I were not the coach, she would be appointed captain. However, I am afraid that by giving her this position, I will be opening myself, as well as Amanda, to a lot of nastiness.
I think Amanda would do a great job, but I want to be fair to everyone. How should I handle this, especially with the other parents? Confused Coach
Dear Coach: You should not be the one selecting Amanda to be captain. You can let the team members elect their own captain, or you can appoint an impartial group of parents to pick someone. That way, whatever happens, no one can accuse you of favoritism, and no one will assume Amanda won (or didn't) because of you.
Dear Annie: When my husband and I first found out we were going to have a baby, we asked "Tom and Alice," dear friends of ours, to be the godparents. Now that the blessed event is coming closer, however, we'd rather have my sister and brother-in-law be the godparents. The reason is, Tom and Alice do not attend church, and it is extremely important to us that our child's godparents be good Catholics.
How can we tell our friends that we have changed our minds? I don't think Tom would be upset, but Alice can be rather judgmental, and I am worried about her reaction. It also doesn't help that she is kind of moody now that she is pregnant, too. What should we say to them? Worried in Ohio
Dear Worried: In most Catholic churches, those who are not regular churchgoers would not qualify as godparents. Explain to Tom and Alice, not that you've had a change of heart, but that you misunderstood the requirements. Also talk to your parish priest and find out if your friends can act as witnesses. This will allow them to have a special role at the baptism and soothe any hard feelings.
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