She's concerned about gossipy friend's young daughter

Dear Annie: My dear friend, "Vivian," is zany, funny and irreverent. She loves to gossip. When we were coworkers, she was my lifeline, and we have continued our friendship through the years. We often socialize during outings with our children.
Lately, I have become rather concerned about Vivian's mouth. Aside from the gossip, there's a lot of negativity in her remarks. My daughter is a young teen and thinks of Vivian as her wacky aunt. Fortunately, she shows no inclination toward copying Viv's manner of mocking and criticizing. I am, however, very concerned about Vivian's daughter, who is nearly 4.
During our lunch dates, this little girl gets an earful of nasty comments about her uncle's trampy fiancee, the neighbor's stupidity and how horrifically obese her preschool friend is. I know this cannot possibly be healthy.
This rather dishy behavior is one of the things I used to like about Viv. Have I changed? Should I see her only when we are sans kids? Should I assume she makes similar comments about me behind my back? What do I do? All Ears
Dear All Ears: You haven't changed, but you have adjusted your behavior to be more circumspect when you are around young children. Vivian hasn't, and her attitude most definitely will influence her daughter.
Seeing her without the children doesn't guarantee that Vivian isn't doing this at home. Since she is a close friend, you might bring it up next time. ("Viv, aren't you concerned that little Susie will repeat the things you say? She's listening to your every word.") And, yes, she's probably talking about you behind your back -- but let's assume it is complimentary.
Dear Annie: I've been invited to two wedding showers for the same 27-year-old woman who has been living with her fiance for several years and already has a 2-year-old child with him. Mind you, I've already gone to a baby shower for the same couple.
The bride will soon have a large wedding, with a white formal gown, flower girl, the works. Her mother is planning it all and having the time of her life. I'm happy the couple is choosing to legally marry and give their daughter a two-parent family, but is the word "discretion" absent from today's dictionary? It seems to me they're just greedy for gifts (she invited 75 people to one shower). In the wedding invitation, we were told where we could deposit our money for their benefit. Am I just an old fogey? Different Drummer Marching
Dear Different: If you are, you have lots of company. No one outside of family and very close friends should be invited to two bridal showers. It's too great a burden. And 75 people is more like a fundraiser than a shower. We won't get into the lack of class needed to put suggestions about money inside a wedding invitation. We only hope the friendship is worth surviving that level of crassness.
Dear Annie: I have noticed a new trend. Whether my bill is $3 or $300, at huge stores or small ones, the clerk will hand me a receipt and say, "There you go."
This phrase replaces "thank you" and removes any sense that the merchant appreciates my patronage. I am hopeful that if it is brought to the attention of store managers, via your column, they will request that their staff avoid what seems to be a discourteous send-off to their customers. California Shopper
Dear Shopper: Dream on. We'd like this to work, but we won't delude ourselves. The world is less polite than it once was, but, well, there you go.
Annie's Snippet for Grandparents Day: The secret of life is to skip having children and go directly to grandchildren. Mell Lazarus
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