DAVID SKOLNICK \ Politics Don't try to tickle my political funny bone

There are plenty of people in this world who believe they're funny, when in reality, they're down-right annoying.
They tell bad jokes or long, drawn-out stories that go nowhere -- I've been accused of both at times -- and you just wish you had the nerve to tell them to shut up and go away.
Unfortunately, some of these people have decided to dabble in politics. Although they probably fall into the unfunny category, I'm not referring to President Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney or their Democratic challengers, U.S. Sens. John Kerry and John Edwards.
I'm referring to those who push useless garbage in the spirit of having fun or being clever with the presidential election.
I enjoy a good satire, such as Jibjab.com's "This Land" song. Also, I don't mind having my attention diverted every now and then from the constant visits to our swing-state by the candidates and their surrogates.
But for the most part, I've been inundated with weak attempts at humor.
Julie Rowan of Geneva is running a "write-in" campaign for president.
A press release announcing her candidacy said Rowan is loyal, compassionate, and unconditionally honest. Oh, she's also a yellow Labrador retriever. The person who issued the press release is Amy Rowan, the dog's owner.
I can't decide what's more frightening: that this woman gave her dog her last name or that Julie is making personal campaign appearances at various locations in northeast Ohio?
Of course, the dog's owner is selling canine products on her Web site. [I'm making fun of her and others so I'm not going to plug their sites. Find them on your own if you're interested in being tortured.]
Dogs seem to be popular among the unfunny political crowd.
A guy from Carefree, Ariz., has a Web site that allows people to determine if their pet is a Republican or Democrat, and to vote according to their preferences.
"If your pet likes to display affection in public, it may be a Democrat. If it doesn't like to show affection, it may be a Republican. If you pet sues incompetent vets, it may be a Democrat. If it always gets the best in vet care, it may be a Republican," a fax from this outfit reads.
The scary thing is the Web site states about 15,000 votes were cast from pet owners with Kerry enjoying an 8-point lead over Bush. I have no idea what the margin of error is in this "poll."
While you're wasting your time casting your dog's vote, you can purchase "9-inch, high-quality, durable canvas" flying disks -- the word Frisbee is trademarked -- "with squeak insert. For hours of chewable fun for pets and other relatives."
Each disk has a caricature of either Bush or Kerry with the international sign for no across their faces. It's quite the bargain at $14.97, plus postage and handling "while supplies last." I've got a feeling that supplies will last for a long time.
Okay, so these are just amateurs wasting their time in an attempt to make a few bucks. Maybe it's just harmless stupid fun to some.
But there is an actual marketing effort by the makers of Captain Morgan rum to have a liquor-pimping cartoon character as a presidential candidate. Maybe the good captain, endorsed by the "Americans for a Better Party," could dig up Spuds MacKenzie, Bud Light's spokesdog from the late 1980s, to run on the ticket as the vice presidential nominee. After all, other candidates are targeting the nation's pet population.
The captain's goal is to leave "the politics to those other guys, and [work] to keep America's parties political free."
I'd be remiss if I failed to mention Chick-fil-A's cow campaign to "Vote Chikin" in the November election. The chicken restaurant used a similar promotional effort in 2000. Apparently they didn't annoy enough people four years ago so they're back again this year.
I assume Captain Morgan -- the company, not the character -- and Chick-fil-A believe they can turn a profit on their "presidential campaigns."
Too bad they came up with these inane ideas.