ANNIE'S MAILBOX 'Jeanine's' conversations may be perfectly normal

Dear Annie: I am the mother of two children, ages 22 and 16. My 16-year-old daughter, "Jeanine," is a bright young woman. She has good friends, good grades and is an altogether cheerful person.
For the past three years, I've noticed that whenever Jeanine is alone, she talks to herself. A lot. I have walked by her room while she's making her bed or choosing clothes, and it seems as if she's having a conversation with someone else. These aren't one-sided conversations. It's as though she is explaining something to someone, and then responding as that person. I wonder if this is a sign of loneliness, depression, or worse, schizophrenia.
I am reluctant to seek counseling for Jeanine because my husband is against it and I'm not sure we could afford it. Can you please give me some information so I know what I'm looking for and where to seek help? Worried Mom
Dear Worried: Talking to oneself is fairly common and usually harmless. For many, it's simply a way to sort out a problem. Others use self-talk as motivation or to reinforce positive attitudes.
If possible, listen to Jeanine's conversations. Is she arguing a position, pro and con? Is she telling herself she can do better? These conversations are OK. However, sometimes self-talk is used negatively ("I'm so stupid"), and although the process is normal, the effect can be quite damaging to one's self-esteem. You'd need to step in and help her work on that.
In terms of mental health, the time to worry is when Jeanine believes someone else is talking to her. If you are concerned this may be the case, try to discuss it with her, and if necessary, ask your family doctor to refer you to a therapist, or check United Way and the YMCA for a low-cost referral.
Dear Annie: My husband's old college buddy, "Ralph," and his wife are coming to our town next week. Ralph asked if we could put them up for a night or two, along with their teenage niece and nephew. We have only one spare bedroom, and I said we'd get back to them.
This same couple stayed with us several years ago, and after feeding and housing them for a week, they didn't even offer to take us out for single meal. When we were in their city a few years ago, they were "unavailable" to us.
My husband and I both work. A mid-week visit would upset our routine, and I don't like to leave people in our home when we're not around. Ralph is quite well-to-do, and they could easily stay in a hotel. Having four overnight guests is a lot of work on my part (my husband doesn't help with the cooking and cleaning). So, Annie, am I a party pooper, or are they just moochers? Not in the Mood
Dear Not: It doesn't have to be either. They are hoping to stay with friends, and it is too much work for you to accommodate them. Fine. Tell them you're so sorry, but that's a very busy week and you simply don't have the room. If you want, offer to treat them to dinner instead. (Make sure your husband backs you up on this.)
Dear Annie: I have a family with several brothers and sisters. Between us, there are 11 children, ranging in age from 6 to 20, all of whom are good kids.
My parents have chosen one 12-year-old grandchild to take along on a two-week vacation. My mother talks about the trip within earshot of the other grandchildren, which upsets them. Do you think it is right for grandparents to favor one grandchild over another like this? Upset Daughter
Dear Daughter: No. Have you asked your parents why they are doing this? Have you told them how much it upsets the other grandchildren? They need to know.
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