KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox The more pressure, the less 'Mark' will listen

Dear Annie: I am a married woman with a great husband and wonderful kids. The only problem is my older son, "Mark," who is 15 years old and dresses like a freak. He has long, dyed-black hair, and his usual garb consists of black clothing, black boots and eyeliner. When people see him in public, they get the wrong idea. He really is a great kid -- loving, kind and a terrific student.
I've talked nicely with Mark about changing the way he looks, but he feels if people cannot accept how he dresses, it's their own fault. Truthfully, his attire doesn't bother me or my husband. We are glad he expresses his individuality. But we fear people will think poorly of him, or he could be picked on or beaten up by other kids.
Kids who dress like mine should be treated with the same dignity and respect as anyone else, but it doesn't always happen. How can I help him? Afraid in Florida
Dear Afraid: Your son is fine. As long as he understands that his appearance can put people off, create personal problems with others and limit his ability to find a job in the future, you've done what you can. The more pressure you put on him now, the less likely he is to listen. When the negatives become more important than the positives, he'll dress differently. In the meantime, you need to back off, so he doesn't feel obligated to continue just to prove a point.
Dear Annie: In January, my best friend, "Julie," asked if I would like to go on a vacation with her and her family. She said she was renting a six-bedroom beach house for a week and would rent out rooms for $600 each. I agreed to rent a room for my family and gave her a deposit of $150.
Three months later, I realized the vacation was going to be too costly, and I told Julie I would have to cancel and she could rent my room to someone else. She told me I had entered into a legally binding agreement and am still responsible for the balance. She said it's not her fault we don't have the money. Plus, she's having a hard time finding people to rent the other rooms she reserved.
I gave her five months' notice. My husband says not to pay, but maybe I should, just to keep the friendship. What do you say? Confused in California
Dear Confused: There actually may be some legal liability here. If, during the five months, Julie made every effort to find new renters and could not, it's possible you owe her the balance. Check with an attorney before assuming that Julie simply is being difficult. Then you might want to re-evaluate a friendship where Julie doesn't first suggest a compromise before implying that she can take you to court.
Dear Annie: I am a middle-aged woman with a recurring problem. My husband's family likes to get together every so often, which is fine, but they drink and get loud, often insulting me. Several of them can become really obnoxious. They tell me I should drink, too, and loosen up, and that I am boring or a stick in the mud. They are relentless. Worse, my husband laughs and agrees with them.
When my husband drinks, which is not often, he can get very mean. It has reached the point where I dread any social situations with his family. I have told them I don't need to drink to be happy, but then they call me names and ignore me for weeks. I don't know what to do. Please help me. Sober in Pennsylvania
Dear Sober: You need to explain to your husband, when he is sober, that his family becomes belligerent when drinking and he needs to stand up for you. If he is too sloshed to do this, let him know you prefer to stay home and he can go on his own. The disparaging opinions of some drunken family members are not worth your time.
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