ALI SHERMAN PDA: It's Pretty Darn Appalling

I was at the mall the other day when I spotted a particularly hideous display of PDA.
Public displays of affection have always been one of my biggest pet peeves. When I'm shopping or eating or doing anything at all, for that matter, the last thing I want to see is two people publicly molesting each other.
We seem to do this more frequently than any other age group.
The particular pair I'm referring to crossed the line of social acceptability when they began tongue-wrestling on the escalator. (You could actually see their tongues fighting.) But when I saw a hand start to creep up a shirt, it was too much for me to stomach.
I believe "Get a room!" was going through my head as I attempted to suppress my gag reflex.
Is it really necessary to make the rest of humanity suffer through their hormonally charged activities? The pair had their eyes closed, so they couldn't see what they looked like.
Why did the rest of us have to be subjected to visual torture?
Defining PDA
Obviously this is an extreme case of PDA, but other forms are equally as obnoxious. For me, PDA includes all of the following:
UMaking out in movie theaters. We want to watch the movie, not your movie.
UMaking out in a car at a stoplight. People are trying to drive, not wait for you to finish your "conversation" even after the light turns green.
UMaking out in the school hallways. This is a learning establishment. Thank you.
UBasically making out where anybody can see you.
Enough said.
I don't kiss in public. I just don't.
Making out is not a spectator sport. If Current Boyfriend leans in for a kiss, I turn my cheek. That's how it goes.
I think it used to hurt his feelings, or his ego, but I explained it to him: I don't like people watching me because when I watch others, I feel uncomfortable.
Acceptable behaviors
Does this mean that I never hold Current Boyfriend's hand in public? No, a girl's gotta make a few concessions. I'm not opposed to all forms of public affection. Holding hands, for instance, is completely acceptable. But in my opinion it is still completely unnecessary.
UArm around the shoulder: cute.
UHand in the other person's back pocket: tacky.
UPeck on the cheek: cute.
USwapping slobber: tacky.
I don't care how comfortable teens may feel displaying their affections for one another publicly. The question they need to be asking themselves is: "Is the public comfortable watching?"
We think not.
XAli Sherman, 17, writes about relationships for the Kansas City Star's TeenStar section.