She suspects her husband is having an affair

Dear Annie: I think my husband is having an affair. I suspected this back in February when I logged on to his screen name and found a letter he'd written to some woman online. When I confronted him, he said he didn't know the woman, he simply had responded to one of many e-mails from women looking for men to date. He also claimed it was just an impulse and he never heard back from her. He apologized and said he wanted us to work more on our relationship. I agreed and thought everything was going to be OK.
Today, I discovered two transactions on our bank statement from a local motel. I called the motel, pretending to be my husband's secretary, and the clerk confirmed both dates and even mentioned my husband had ordered a movie. I suppose it's possible that my husband had some kind of business meeting at this motel.
Should I hire a private detective to follow my husband around? Should I confront him? Should I ignore everything? I feel terrible for having these suspicions, but I no longer fully trust him. This is so hard. We have two teenage children, and I'm a stay-at-home mom, so my resources are limited. We also are active in our church and community, and my husband is an important executive, so there is a lot at stake here. What do I do now? Feeling Betrayed
Dear Betrayed: Your suspicions are well-founded. Do you honestly think your husband rented a movie for a business meeting at a motel? And why is he corresponding with women who are looking to date? Something is rotten in Denmark, honey.
You have some tough decisions to make. You can choose to ignore the evidence and go blissfully about your life, pretending nothing is going on. Some women actually prefer this route. Or, you can confront him and insist he go with you for marriage counseling. Talk to your doctor or clergyperson for a referral.
Dear Annie: I must have been the luckiest person around in 1950 when I married my husband. My mother-in-law gave this prayer to me. She lived by it, and so have I. There hasn't been a bad word between my son-in-law and me in over 40 years, and my daughter has lived by it with her four married children. I don't know who wrote it, but my mother-in-law read it in the old Pittsburgh Sun-Telegraph. I hope you will print it for any woman who is a mother-in-law. M.J.R. in Pennsylvania
Dear M.J.R.: You sent this to us quite a while ago, but we were saving it for Mother-In-Law Day, which is today. The advice is worth remembering:
Mother-In-Law's Prayer
Teach me to speak or hold my tongue, when silence is divine.
Help me, I pray, to understand this newfound child of mine.
Keep me from taking bitter sides or adding angry flames.
Teach me to leave them both alone, like children at their games.
Teach me to be a friend in deed, Whose smile they're glad to share, Never too near, yet never too far, This is my humble prayer.
Dear Annie: My husband is an alcoholic. "Ted" is an excellent provider, and when he's sober, he's a wonderful guy. But when he's drunk, he smells like a distillery and gets rowdy. His drinking is starting to affect our teenage children.
I have made an appointment for me and the boys to go to Al-Anon, but Ted refuses to stop drinking or go to counseling. He is even willing to give up his family for alcohol. What else can I do? Losing My Family
Dear Losing: Nothing. Ted must want to quit on his own. In the meantime, Al-Anon is your best resource for help and support. Good luck to you.
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