KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox The lies that 'Eileen' told border on paranoia

Dear Annie: My husband has two sisters. "Heather" is very nice, but "Eileen" is another story. She is bossy and arrogant, and has a bad habit of talking about people behind their backs. Of course, most of what she says is not true.
Recently, my husband's father had a heart attack. While he was in the hospital, my husband and I helped Heather tidy up his house because it hadn't been thoroughly cleaned since his wife died three years ago. Eileen was out of town.
Now Eileen is telling Heather that my husband and I went through Dad's house because we wanted to steal from him. She also told Heather that we tried to break into her house while she was out of town. We have never done anything remotely like that in all our lives.
My husband and I are furious about Eileen's gossip, but if we confront her, she will find out that Heather told on her. We don't want to put Heather in the middle of an argument with her sister.
How can we solve this problem and let Eileen know that this is not acceptable behavior? This is not the first time she's lied about us, and I'm sick of it. Burned Up
Dear Burned Up: Has Eileen had a check-up lately? It sounds as if she could be mentally ill. Her accusations border on paranoia.
You cannot control how Eileen behaves, but you do not have to dignify her lies with protestations of innocence. If she says anything to your face, reply, "Eileen, it's too bad you feel you must lie about us, and we have no intention of listening to your attacks." Then leave, change the subject, ignore her, whatever works to shut her down. It would help if you could enlist Heather and others into doing the same.
Dear Annie: You've printed several letters about brides and grooms who ask for money. When I was younger, I found cash requests for weddings and showers totally repulsive. However, my 40-something self is relieved at not having to guess what the bride wants, or worry about her returning a gift I spent way too much time selecting and buying. If something saves me time and energy, while giving the guest of honor exactly what she wants, then why not? Changed My Mind in Michigan
Dear Michigan: We have no objection to giving money as a gift, if that is what the guest prefers to do. It is the crass demands for money coming from the brides and grooms that are galling. There's no question that writing a check is easier, but it does seem sad when guests give money because they simply don't care enough about the couple to spend the time selecting something personal and special -- and when bridal couples treat their guests as cash machines.
Dear Annie: I have been dating a wonderful man for eight months, and we have spoken of marriage. The only problem is that "Jerrod" was previously burned by his ex-wife and insists on a prenuptial agreement, even though he isn't rich.
Why is Jerrod already looking at the end of the relationship before it has begun? He sees the prenup as a protective device, but I don't think I can sign such an agreement when it makes me think that he is already looking at divorce.
Am I being old-fashioned? Please help before I blow the best relationship I have ever had. Baltimore, Md.
Dear Baltimore: Prenuptial agreements are quite common and can protect you as well as Jerrod if both of you are bringing assets into the relationship. It also protects you in case one of you dies, or you decide to give up a lucrative career to be a stay-at-home mother. Prenups are not romantic, but they are practical and allow you to work through financial issues before making a lifetime commitment. If you love Jerrod, don't let this be a source of conflict.
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