Annie's Mailbox In-laws need to back off

Dear Annie: My in-laws have always been intrusive, but I usually manage to control my temper and dismiss their meddling as a desire to help my wife and me. However, now that we are expecting a baby, they have become unbearable.
My father-in-law lectures me about maintenance projects in my house when no maintenance is needed. My mother-in-law constantly tells us what we're doing wrong. She barges into our house uninvited and goes through every room, declaring our house is a mess (it's not). Now she's telling us what to name the baby.
My in-laws are behaving in a way my parents never would. It's not that I want to cut off contact, but they don't seem to understand that we need time alone and to make our own decisions, mistakes or not. Exasperated Son-in-Law
Dear Son-in-law: First, understand that your in-laws may have a different idea of how involved they should be with their married child. With the arrival of a new baby, their level of preoccupation goes into overdrive. They may not realize how intrusive and annoying they are.
How does your wife feel about her parents' meddling? She should be the one to tell them to back off, and you need to make her understand why she must speak up and set boundaries. In the meantime, it won't hurt to turn the other cheek. When they make unwelcome suggestions, smile and say, "Thanks, we'll think about it."
Dear Annie: I'm an ultra-responsible, 24-year-old man who appears to have it all. I graduated from college with honors, landed a lucrative job with a stable company, have lots of friends and a wonderful girlfriend.
The problem is, I take life too seriously. I don't know how to play. I'm the cerebral type. I analyze, intellectualize and evaluate almost everything I do. I don't laugh a lot and can't seem to let loose and have fun. How can I learn to enjoy things spontaneously, and to react more impulsively and instinctively? This shortcoming in my personality has made some of my relationships difficult.
At 24, I'm not over the hill yet. How can I become more sensuous, impulsive and childlike? Prematurely Stuck in Adulthood
Dear Adult: We understand your desire to enjoy life a little more, and it can be done. At first, you will have to push yourself to do those things that seem out of character. (Spontaneity is not so easy to achieve.) Set one goal a week for yourself to do one thing that seems outrageous or unusual. Walk in the rain without an umbrella. Say hello to the first three strangers you see. Serenade your girlfriend in public. Say yes to the next thing your friends suggest doing together.
Keep in mind that if you do not enjoy the results, you might want to stop -- and simply accept yourself as you are. Solemnity may not be glamorous, but there's a lot to be said for being responsible and stable. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Dear Annie: I am a 45-year-old male, and I work with "Millie," a 68-year-old secretary with whom I get along quite well. Lately, however, Millie has become a mooch. It started out innocently with asking for a ride home or a trip to the post office. But now her requests come daily -- taking her to the doctor's office, doing her grocery shopping, etc. She never offers to pay for gas or maintenance.
I really like Millie -- she's like a grandmother to me. I don't want to hurt her, but I'm starting to dislike my job. How do I tell her no? Tired of It in Michigan
Dear Michigan: You can be honest and ask her to pitch in for gas. Or you can be less available. "Sorry, Millie, but I have an appointment at lunch (or after work, whenever)." She'll eventually stop asking or find someone else to be her gofer.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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