KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Now he wishes he had taken his friends' advice

Dear Annie: Three years ago, I divorced my unfaithful, spendthrift wife. I was concerned about my teenage children keeping their home, so I signed the house over to my ex with the stipulation that she refinance within a designated amount of time. This was against the advice of some well-meaning friends who told me to sell the house as part of the divorce settlement.
Two years ago, I was laid off from my high-paying job. I have since found another job, but it doesn't pay nearly as well as my old one. What's worse, my child support payments are still based on my old salary, so I have nothing left over at the end of the month. I now am living with a great gal and help out by doing the cooking and cleaning, but I cannot contribute financially, nor can I afford an attorney to get my child support payments in line with my current salary. I have no savings or retirement money left.
Fifteen months ago, my ex-wife informed me that she stopped making house payments. I begged her to pay what she could and she promised to do so, but she lied. Last month, I received notice that the mortgage company was foreclosing on the house. I was floored.
My girlfriend offered to let my children move in with us, but how can I gain custody without an attorney? I could kick myself for not listening to my friends about selling the house. Is there anything else I can do? Still Glad I Divorced Her
Dear Glad: You can find an attorney who will help you for free or on a sliding scale. Try a local law school or contact the National Legal Aid & amp; Defender Association, 1140 Connecticut Ave. NW, Suite 900, Washington, D.C. 20036 (www.nlada.org).
Dear Annie: I am writing in response to "Groom's Heretic Mother," whose son's fiancee, "Stacie," introduced her son to a new religion, and now her family insists his family be excluded from the wedding, which only the most faithful members of their church are allowed to attend. They even brought missionaries to a "get-to-know-you" dinner. You advised the mother to hold a separate reception for all to attend, and you could not have given more sound advice.
I am a member of this same religion: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormon). We believe that families, when married within the walls of the Temple, are not only married "till death do us part," but are sealed together beyond the grip of mortal death; we are married for eternity. Because of the sacred and long-lasting nature of marriage and family, we hold it as one of the dearest and most precious doctrines in our religion, and we do not let just anyone witness these events.
May I suggest the couple hold a separate ring ceremony in another building for all to attend? This simple ring ceremony will allow family and friends to be present for part of the wedding. Trying To Help in North Dakota
Dear N.D.: We received dozens of gracious and helpful letters from church members. One writer said she and her sister were allowed to witness such a ring ceremony, and wore bridesmaids' dresses and carried flowers, which made them feel as if they were part of the wedding. Here's one more:
From Utah: Please tell the family that all Mormons are not as hurtful as the bride's family, bringing missionaries to the get-together and not explaining our teachings appropriately. I've been an LDS member since 1967. The wedding could have been held at the ward by their Bishop, so all of the family could witness the happy affair, then on to the Temple where the couple would enter alone while the family and close friends waited in a reception room. Our church leaders preach tolerance of others' beliefs, not exclusivity.
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