KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox 'Macy' may need time to adjust to surroundings

Dear Annie: I recently started a day-care center and took in a 10-month-old girl, "Macy." Whenever I leave the room, Macy starts crying and follows me. Also, I have a daughter the same age who is well-behaved and kind to other children. Yet any time my daughter goes near Macy, the girl flips out and begins hitting, kicking and screaming. I am wondering if these are signs that Macy has been neglected or abused.
I don't want to stop watching Macy, because she is a sweet child, but at the same time I don't want her to hurt my little girl. What should I do? Confused Daycare Provider
Dear Provider: It's common for infants and toddlers to cry when their parents or caregivers leave the room, and to follow them. This does not indicate neglect, but rather that Macy needs time to adjust to her surroundings. Her reaction to your daughter could be due to many things: your daughter may be annoying her in ways you do not see, your daughter may remind her of another child whom she dislikes, or she may be jealous of your daughter's closeness to you.
If the hitting and kicking continue beyond the first month, discuss it with the girl's parents, and explain that they will have to make other arrangements for Macy, because your daughter's well-being must come first.
Dear Annie: I belong to a committee in charge of a seniors' club with a large membership. We try to do everything possible to make everyone happy, but it isn't working. Please give us some ideas.
I would say nearly 90 percent of our group joins in on most everything. The vast majority enjoy life by just going and doing -- movies, dances, dinners, lunches, any kind of activity. But we also have many people who don't make any effort to get along. They are constantly blaming others for every little thing. These people never seem to have a nice word about anyone.
Why is it that some people can't try and get along? Why would they rather be miserable? We are sure there must be some way we can bring these people around. We would appreciate your input. One Who Cares
Dear One Who Cares: You're sweet, but you are fighting an uphill battle. Some people derive great satisfaction in being curmudgeonly. Their negative attitude provokes a great deal of attention and effort, and they enjoy it.
Since 90 percent of your group likes the activities, don't fuss so much over the others. If you plan things that are entertaining, the grouches have the choice of joining in or not. If they come along, you can bet they are having more fun than they let on. Ignore the sniping.
Dear Annie: I need some advice on how to have a baby shower when the mother is not available. Our daughter, "Jenny," and her husband, "Paul," are both in the Army. Jenny and Paul were in Tikrit, Iraq, until Jenny became pregnant. The Army then shipped her back to Germany, where she will have the baby. Paul, unfortunately, will remain in Tikrit.
We have a lot of friends and family who would love to have a baby shower for Jenny but don't know how to do it without her being here. Also, baby showers involve so many big items, I can't expect everyone to ship the gifts overseas. Any suggestions? Karen in the Midwest
Dear Karen: Etiquette actually covers both circumstances. It is perfectly proper to give a shower for Jenny in absentia, since she is not physically able to be present. You also can spread the word (verbally, not on the invitation) that monetary gifts would be greatly appreciated since the mother is living overseas.
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