Woman of the house wants to regain authority

Dear Annie: A few years ago, I asked my mother-in-law to come live with my husband and me in order to help care for my children. Mom had a dead-end job and shared a room at a boarding house. Day-care costs were expensive, and I offered to pay my mother-in-law a small amount each month to watch the kids. I figured it would be a win-win situation.
I was wrong. As time went on, I grew to dislike having my mother-in-law here. She oversteps her boundaries when it comes to my kids, and we don't get along at all. I'd like to ask her to leave, but my husband is furious that I would consider it. He says it's just plain wrong.
This whole situation has made me depressed. My kids will be old enough to watch themselves in a year, and I can't keep paying Mom for nothing. Mom and I fight constantly. She thinks this is her house, her husband and her kids. I want my home and family back.
Do you think it's wrong of me to ask her to leave? Wilted Lily
Dear Lily: It's perfectly understandable that you want to regain your authority as the "woman of the house." First, have a talk with your husband. If his mother is able-bodied, there is no reason he should place her happiness above yours. Explain that the situation makes you depressed and you are worried about the long-term effect on your marriage. He needs to support your decision. You both can help Mom search for another job and an appropriate place to live, and even contribute toward her rent.
Then both of you need to talk to Mom. Tell her you love her and are willing to help financially, but soon the children will no longer need the extra care and you are afraid the circumstances will destroy the close bond you are trying to preserve. She may become angry or offended, but it sure beats a divorce.
Dear Annie: I am engaged to "Tim," a wonderful man, and I soon will be visiting his parents for the first time. However, I am more apprehensive than I should be due to the fact that Tim has a 16-year-old mentally disabled brother, "Burt."
I am not prejudiced in any way against the mentally disabled, but I have absolutely no experience in that area and have no idea how to act around Burt. I don't want to be patronizing or treat Burt like a child, or do anything inappropriate. But I don't know what the best approach is. I don't want to embarrass Burt, myself or the family. I'm so confused. Please help me do the right thing. Uncomfortable in New York
Dear N.Y.: We commend you for caring enough to want to behave appropriately. However, being "mentally disabled" covers a lot of ground, and there is no way for us to know how capable Burt is. But you don't need us. You already have an expert nearby -- Tim. Ask your fiance for advice on the best way to make Burt (and the rest of his family) feel comfortable around you. He can provide the reassurance and the information you need.
Dear Annie: What is an appropriate length of time to leave an old toilet outside of one's home? I have two neighbors who have had commodes on their front lawns for over a year. Is there a nice way to say, "Hey, your toilet has been out here too long"? Potty-Peeved in El Paso, Texas
Dear El Paso: We don't think Emily Post covers this. Try talking to the neighbors, explaining that the toilets are an eyesore and devalue the property. Ask if they'd like help moving them to another location. If that doesn't work, try your local neighborhood or homeowners association.
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