There may be legal penalties for 'Teresa's' behavior
Dear Annie: My friend, "Teresa," lost her husband last year after a long illness. A few months later, she wound up pregnant by a 20-year-old. She is raising the baby alone, along with her 10-year-old son from her marriage.
Teresa was having money problems, so when she found a job, I offered to baby-sit for free to help her out. On weekends, I let my 17-year-old son, "Kyle," baby-sit. One day, when I was at Teresa's, her 10-year-old said, "My mommy loves Kyle." I asked my son if anything was going on between them, and he said, "No."
Three months ago, Kyle informed me that when he turns 18, he would be living with Teresa. When I confronted Teresa, she couldn't even look me in the face. My husband and I got into a huge fight with Kyle. We told him he was not to see Teresa anymore. He promised to end it, but last week, I accidentally picked up the phone and heard Kyle and Teresa talking. He became angry with me and said he was moving in with Teresa and never coming back. I spit out, "Go right ahead."
Kyle moved out three days ago, and I haven't spoken to him since. Teresa is 34 years old. She was supposed to be my friend. What would make a woman that age want to sleep with a 17-year-old boy? Distraught Mother
Dear Mother: Let's assume Teresa is a lost soul since her husband's death, and so desperate for affection that she grasps at those who are easiest for her to manipulate. Nonetheless, that does not excuse her behavior.
Your state may have legal penalties for a woman having sex with a boy under 18, especially if there is more than a 10-year age gap between them. Talk to your state's attorney's office for information about legal recourse. If Kyle is old enough to give consent, the best you can do now is make peace with him and with Teresa, so you can stay in touch with your son and be a source of support when he needs you. And if Kyle decides he made a mistake, resist the urge to say, "I told you so."
Dear Annie: "A Confused Son" said his mother blatantly favors his sister and her children. He has my sympathy. Last Christmas, my mother-in-law bought tons of presents for her daughter's children, but not a single one for mine. She treats my kids like second-class citizens.
My mother-in-law has told me point-blank that she doesn't like me or my kids (her own grandchildren). My husband says that's just the way she is and I shouldn't let it bother me. He insists on taking our children to see her, even though they are miserable for the entire visit. End of My Rope
Dear Rope: You weren't the only one who identified with that letter. Read on:
From Ohio: I am 15, but I know my cousins receive more gifts, more shopping trips and more attention. Once I realized I could never share in my cousins' limelight, I decided to create my own. Now, even my grandparents can see I'm worth something. "Confused Son" should let his daughter know how proud he is of her.
Washington, D.C.: When my daughter called Grandma to tell her she'd won a golf tournament, Mom's only reply was, "Your cousin takes ballet." The last straw was on my daughter's birthday, when my mother refused to come because it would interfere with her other grandchild's nap time. My children are deeply affected by their grandmother's blatant favoritism, and I no longer let them visit her.
Minnesota: My daughter, who accuses me of playing favorites, only phones when she wants us to baby-sit. She never invites us over, and when we offer to stop by, she is much too busy. My son and his wife make a point to include us in their lives. So, yes, we do spend more time with, and are closer to, those grandchildren. Who could blame us?
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