Annie's Mailbox Fianc & eacute; has control issues

Dear Annie: My fianc & eacute; and I have been together for quite some time. On my birthday, "Oliver" presented me with a ring and asked me to marry him. Of course, I said yes. We scheduled the wedding for June of next year, and ever since, we have had some serious issues.
Oliver seems to be angry all of the time and doesn't want me to have a social life. When we go home, he doesn't want any of my family members or friends to know we are in town. I love Oliver and his family to pieces, but I would like to see my own family once in a while.
I don't know what I have done to make him feel this way. We have tried to talk about our problems, but just as I think things are getting better, they get worse. I don't want to lose him. I am trying to be who he wants me to be, but nothing works.
What should I do? Is the problem me? Troubled Heart in Mississippi
Dear Troubled: No, the problem isn't you. It's Oliver. He sounds controlling, and it could get worse. We see red flags that Oliver may be a potential abuser. He is keeping you away from your family and friends, and you are "trying to be who he wants me to be." That is not what happens in a healthy relationship, and if Oliver is angry as a fianc & eacute;, he is not likely to be nicer as a husband. We think you should get out of this mess altogether.
Dear Annie: I recently learned that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. For me this is especially poignant, since I am a 49-year-old woman and have just been diagnosed with breast cancer.
Ever since my doctor told me I should start getting a yearly mammogram, I have faithfully gone. Until this year, they always came back negative. In August, the mammogram showed suspicious-looking calcification developing in one of my breasts. I have since had a lumpectomy, and some of my lymph nodes have been removed.
One node showed cancer. The mass was tiny and hidden under the muscle. If I hadn't gone for the mammogram, it would have been another year before the mass was large enough to be felt -- and the outcome would have been very different. I am facing chemotherapy and radiation, but I will live and be able to watch my two children graduate college.
Because of this experience I have since become an advocate for mammograms, so this goes out to every woman: If your doctor says it is time to start getting a yearly mammogram, do it! Don't make excuses. Also take the time to do regular breast self-exams. Ask yourself, "Is my life worth 15 minutes of my time?" A mammogram saved my life. Make an appointment today. Your family will thank you for it. Janet
Dear Janet: Thank you for the reminder that mammograms can save lives. Breast cancer is not simply a woman's disease. Men can and do get breast cancer. Everyone should do regular self-exams and check for lumps. If you find anything suspicious, call your doctor immediately.
Dear Annie: I had to respond to the letter from "Confused in California," who asked if it was acceptable if her fianc & eacute; registered for their wedding at Home Depot for tools and gardening supplies. Thanks for saying it was OK.
I held a "man's shower" for my son, asking the men to bring a tool to help him get started in his new home. They also had to explain how the tool was used and tell a story about it. It was enlightening, to say the least. My son received both knowledge and a good start on his tool collection. Dad of the Tool Man
Dear Dad: Sounds like fun, and we bet our readers will think so, too.
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