If the name fits ...

Back in the day, there was a saying about the Washington Senators: First in war, first in peace, last in the American League.
(They could have added, "first out of town" since the two of the last three major league franchises to move bolted from the nation's capital.)
Of course, that saying is now pass & eacute;, since the newest team to call "old D.C." home will be in the National League. The East Division, to be more specific, and, given the state of the club that is moving there, the East basement.
One of the major stories about the new Washington team has to do with what exactly its nickname will be.
Both the original franchise, which was in existence from 1901 until being moved to Minnesota after the 1960 season, and the second club, which played at RFK Stadium from '61 to 1969, were called the Senators.
Which seems normal enough.
The Texas "Senators"just doesn't cut it
The problem is, the Texas Rangers -- which were born from the second D.C. franchise, still own the naming rights to "Senators" (why is anyone's guess).
So, assuming the new ownership -- whoever it turns out to be -- isn't willing to pony up for the old nickname, a few new ones have already been suggested.
"Nationals" has been suggested, which is good if you're the type of person who likes bland, boring nicknames.
Also, "Grays" has been put out there, which was the name of the Negro League team that played in Washington. This, at least, makes a little more sense from a historical standpoint and also when you remember that the team will be playing in the birthplace of political correctness.
Suggestions, who'sgot suggestions
We've come up with a few others:
Presidents -- because this team is sure to spend at least the next four years sinking in mediocrity.
Capitals -- hey, it's not like the hockey team's going to need it for a while.
Perks -- you think just anybody is going to get a seat in one of those new, fancy loges?
National Debts -- a franchise operating on a shoestring budget should fit right in.
Republicans -- the base runners can't get past first base; they keep turning right.
Greenbacks -- because we all know what really drives the power in that town.
Democrats -- really, now, with a donkey for a mascot, haven't they got enough problems?
Expos -- do you realize how much money could be saved? -- and it's not such a bad logo.
Special Interests -- (psst, how badly would you like to see that new bill pass the House?)
Hanging Chads -- in honor of some poor sap who couldn't get his breaking pitch over.
Buds -- in honor of the commissioner who, after only a dozen years on the job, was finally able to make his first decision ... as long as it's OK with you guys.
Red Tapes -- for the suckers who think there's going to be a new stadium in only three years.
High Rollers -- because after a couple of seasons of losing teams and dwindling attendance, ownership is going to wonder why they didn't put the team in Las Vegas in the first place.
G-Men -- somebody, somewhere needs to do a missing persons investigation -- what happened to all the major league players?
Candidates -- for contraction, to be moved (again), etc.
Congressmen -- on second thought, forget it. Haven't we got enough overpaid windbags down there?
Apologies to Patand the Falcons
Last Sunday, I left out the name of one of Austintown Fitch's standout offensive linemen -- junior Pat Reedy. Part of the intent of the column was to give credit to a deserving, but often overlooked group of players. The oversight was unintentional, and my apologies go out to Pat, his teammates and family.
XRob Todor is sports editor of The Vindicator. Write to him at todor@vindy.com.