ANNIE'S MAILBOX Her husband doesn't ever tell her anything

Dear Annie: I have been married for over 25 years to the same man. "Phil" has never been much of a talker, but for the past year or two, he's told me nothing at all. And I do mean nothing.
People have passed away, and I would find out from the person's family a month or two later. They would say, "We told Phil." But of course, Phil didn't tell me. Or if someone has a problem at his job or with a family member, Phil never tells me if he spoke to them or not. Then when I see the person in question, I'll be told about the confrontation and the great advice Phil gave. Of course, I look totally stupid.
I am tired of being kept in the dark about this man's life, his thoughts, relationships and day-to-day existence. I tell Phil everything because he is my partner and I respect his opinion. He, on the other hand, has no problem saying "I love you," but he confides in the dog more than me.
Any ideas on what to do? Frustrated in Denver
Dear Denver: Since this is a fairly recent development, it's possible Phil's memory isn't as retentive as it used to be. By the time he sees you, he's probably forgotten these episodes. Would it help to prod him a bit? ("Did you run into anyone we know today?")
Either way, you ought to mention to Phil how much this bothers you, and ask him to try harder to keep you in the loop. If that doesn't help, we advise letting it slide. If friends are surprised that you didn't know something, simply say, "Oh, you know Phil. He must have forgotten to tell me."
Dear Annie: I had to respond to "Seeking Some Peace and Quiet," who complained that her neighbor, "Mrs. Jones," calls for her cat quite loudly at all hours of the day and night. My neighbors could have written that letter, because my name is Mrs. Jones and I do the same thing. I call my cat loudly and often.
I am a considerate neighbor, but I wouldn't stop calling my cat for anyone. The only safe place for my cat overnight is in my house. These same neighbors would undoubtedly complain if the cat was in their yard, leaving paw prints on their cars or digging at their plants. You'd think they would be happy to have me call him.
I don't become angry with my neighbors when they rev their engines early in the morning or blow their leaf clippings in the street, or when their teenagers noisily stroll in at 2 a.m. Considerate neighbors tolerate the little things, are quick with a smile and slow to call the police. Also Seeking Peace in West Chester, Pa.
Dear Seeking Peace: Yes, neighbors should try to tolerate the little things, but anything that keeps your neighbors awake, night after night, is not a "little thing." If you are doing that, please start calling your cat home earlier in the evening so that you aren't hollering out the windows at midnight. Everyone will be grateful.
Dear Annie: My wife was once told by her younger brother that he had opened two bank accounts in California in the early '90s, one for each of her young children. He passed away a few years ago, and we don't know if these accounts still exist, or ever did. We also aren't certain about the state. It might have been Massachusetts or somewhere else. How can I pursue this matter? J.M.
Dear J.M.: There is no national database that will track missing bank accounts or assets. You have to go state by state, country by country. Try the state treasurer's, comptroller's or governor's office in the most likely states. We also found a helpful Web site at www.unclaimedassets.com that provides useful information. Good luck.
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