KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox She no longer cares for 'Jeff' in a romantic way

Dear Annie: Thirty years ago, when I married my husband, "Jeff," I couldn't foresee any major problems with marrying a man who was 25 years older. I was then 26, and he was 51. Now I am 56 and Jeff is 81. After completely ignoring me sexually for the past 15 years, Jeff suddenly announced that he is unhappy. The main cause of his complaint is our complete lack of physical intimacy.
I'd like to know what sand pile Jeff has had his head in all this time. I reminded him that I begged him to go to marriage counseling 15 years ago when he became impotent after prostate surgery. I pleaded with him to talk to his urologist and at least hold me instead of staying up each night until I had gone to sleep.
People who know us assume Jeff is a wonderful provider and husband. Until impotency curtailed his activities, Jeff also was quite a skirt chaser. There have been times when I've been ready to throw him out, but some family crisis always seems to interfere. I care for Jeff, but no longer in any romantic way. If he were younger, I wouldn't hesitate to ship him out. In the meantime, I am very lonely. Any suggestions? Loveless in Louisiana
Dear Louisiana: One or two. Jeff is 81. Is there any possibility that his recent demands are due to incipient dementia or physical problems? He might benefit from a complete checkup. Second, please consider counseling for you. It would be useful if Jeff went with you, but it is not an absolute necessity. Marriage includes a promise to make every effort to get through the rough times. You can benefit from discussing your unhappiness with a trained professional who can steer you in the right direction. Good luck.
Dear Annie: I can't believe you came to the defense of "Montana Woman," who complained that older men have too much ear hair.
As a 75-year-old man, I have to defend our naturally occurring excess ear hair. First of all, I am not going to start poking scissors into my ears to deal with the problem, and my wife can't help because she has carpal tunnel syndrome and can't even handle a pencil. I do make feeble attempts with the pop-up trimmer on my electric razor, but my eyes are not good enough to see what I am doing. So my ears have to wait to be trimmed by my barber when he trims my eyebrows and nose hairs. This I do on a monthly basis when my hair needs cutting, but at $25 a pop, I'm not going to do it more frequently.
If "Montana" has such a problem with old men's grooming, she should focus her attention on younger men or avert her eyes. One has to wonder why she is staring into men's ears anyway. Bill from Connecticut
Dear Bill: A lot of hairy men (and women who care about the subject) wrote to us about this. Here are two views:
From Round Rock, Texas: I read your column every single day and had to comment. As a 46-year-old man, I am lucky not to have nose hair, but I do have ear hair. There is not a gizmo made that removes ear hair without pulling, yanking or tearing it by the roots. Believe me, I've tried everything. Thank God my wife thinks the small amount of hair bordering my ears is sexy. I'm lucky to have found her.
Midwest: That hairy gentleman compared excess nose and ear hair with sagging breasts and wrinkles. Tell you what. When it becomes as easy to correct wrinkles and sagging as it is to trim nose hair, then he can make the comparison. Sounds like yet another male double-standard to me.
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