KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Daddy's little girl reaches deep into their pockets
Dear Annie: My husband of six months has a beautiful, sweet daughter who was recently married. "Sally" and I get along wonderfully, but I have some concerns.
My husband gave her a large down payment on a new house, refurbished her pool, installed new appliances and paid for an expensive wedding to a man she has been living with for years. Sally's new husband does not like his job, they dine out five nights a week, shop often, go to the movies every Saturday night, have cable and high-speed Internet, and we even cleaned her home for her before she moved in.
I worry that they cannot afford their home, and we will end up making the house payments and all repairs as they become necessary. Sally is kind and respectful to me, and I have no problem with her. I'm just wondering if the pattern is set for my husband and me to live barely above poverty level, doing without necessities, so we are able to make her house payments, pay her car insurance, etc.
Do I ask my husband outright how long we're expected to bankroll the kids or just wait and see how deep the requests reach into our pockets? When is it our turn?
We married at the courthouse and have yet to take a honeymoon so as to not use funds set aside for Sally's new life. Need Help in Florida
Dear Florida: We cannot caution you strongly enough about the hazards of getting between Daddy and his little girl, so this needs to be handled delicately. Tell your husband, gently, that if he keeps paying for things that Sally cannot actually afford on her own, he is crippling her and she will never learn how to be financially responsible. If your husband refuses to put your marriage first, you will have to decide how much of this "generosity" you are willing to live with.
Dear Annie: My 14-year-old daughter, "Cyndi," has a very light complexion and is embarrassed about looking like a ghost. For her birthday, my sister purchased Cyndi a few sessions at a tanning salon, even though Sis knows I disapprove of such places because of the dangers of skin cancer.
A parental signature form is required for those under 16, and I don't want to sign it. I prefer that Cyndi try the sunless tanning salons or tanning creams. She and her aunt think I am overreacting. My sister says a few rays from a tanning bed are not the same as lying out in the sun. Are they right? Should I let my daughter take those risks to increase her self-confidence? Casper's Mom
Dear Casper's Mom: You are smart to be concerned. Studies have found that indoor tanning booths can be just as harmful to the skin as outdoor sun exposure, including an increased risk of melanoma and premature aging of the skin. If Cyndi wants to be darker-hued, she can investigate spray-tanning booths, which do not involve UV rays, or cosmetics that can give her skin a tint. For more information, contact the American Academy of Dermatology at (888) 462-DERM (888-462-3376) (www.aad.org). And educate your sister, too.
Dear Annie: My husband died unexpectedly, and I decided to get my will together. My mother-in-law suggested that in case of my death, I leave the care of my two young children to my husband's sister, "Sara."
Sara has been married to "Bud" for two years. I recently discovered that Bud is a two-time convicted felon (he robbed a store at gunpoint) and he has been off probation only a short time. I don't know if any of the family members, including Sara, know this. Should I tell them or mind my own business? I'm certainly not leaving my children in his care. Concerned
Dear Concerned: You should mention Bud's record to Sara, but no one else. She is entitled to know, and how she chooses to deal with it is her business.
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