KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox She found out by accident that 'Lester' was still into porn

Dear Annie: My husband, "Lester," was killed in an auto accident last month. Yesterday, I finally received the last items from his car. When I went through them, I found a paperback book that was disgusting, pornographic trash. The loss of my husband has been overwhelming, but finding this book was a new low.
I knew Lester was addicted to pornography. It affected our intimate life together because he was more interested in pornography than in me. Three years ago, a former high school classmate sent Lester topless pictures of herself, and he started e-mailing her. My trust evaporated, and our 14-year marriage was on the rocks. A marriage counselor helped us work through our problems, and Lester agreed there would be no more porn.
I thought our marriage was OK again, but after finding that X-rated garbage in his car, I have doubts that anything Lester ever said or did was true. Lester always told me he loved me. He told our friends he adored me. Now I think he may have been lying. Since he's not here to defend himself, how am I supposed to get through the pain of losing him so suddenly in the accident, and then losing him again through this betrayal? Heartbroken
Dear Heartbroken: This must have been quite a shock for you, and it no doubt turned your world upside-down. Please don't look backward and rehash everything Lester said and did in an effort to spot the lies. Lester's behavior was, to a certain extent, beyond his control. It doesn't mean he wasn't trying or that he loved you any less. You need to have faith in that and forgive him. If you still cannot manage to do that, ask your doctor to refer you to a grief counselor.
Dear Annie: I recently tried to recruit volunteers to help advocate for abused and neglected children. I was unpleasantly surprised at most people's reactions when I merely asked them if they would like some information. One after another, people refused even to take our literature.
Here's some information that may help your readers overcome their inertia: Over 1,250 children will die each year as the direct result of identifiable abuse or neglect. One of every four girls and one of every five boys will be sexually assaulted by the age of 18. These are children and grandchildren just like yours.
If you knew your next-door neighbor was locking his child in a closet, beating him or sexually abusing her day after day, would you do something? Thousands of our neighbors are doing horrible things to children all over the country. Check the statistics in your own hometown. I bet you'll be surprised. I was.
To learn more about what you can do, go to www.preventchildabuse.org. There also are many nonprofit organizations that could use donations, such as National Court Appointed Special Advocates (www.NationalCasa.org).
Children are our future. Please, take a little time out of your schedule to help a child whose only wish is to be cared for decently. I Care in The USA
Dear I Care: Thank you for reminding our readers that child abuse happens every day, all over the world, and it's something we must not ignore. We hope everyone will take the time to check those Web sites you've listed.
Dear Annie: I wonder if you could answer a trivial question for me: On which side do you place the open end of the pillowcase when making up the bed? Does it go toward the outside or the inside? Thanks. Florida Flounder
Dear Florida: The open end goes toward the outer edge of the bed, where it can be seen. Many edges are embroidered and meant to be noticed. You're welcome.
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