KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox He can't cope with wife's disability

Dear Annie: My wife, "Andie," age 49, is physically disabled due to complications from surgery, and sex is very painful for her. In addition, she is in constant pain, can't work and is not able to do much around the house.
I am 48 and Andie's caregiver. The prospect of spending the rest of my life without a fulfilling sexual relationship is bleak and frustrating. In addition, our social life has become very limited, and I spend all my time either working to pay her medical bills (which are enormous) or taking care of her needs and the house.
If I leave, I will have to support her financially for life, which would leave me with very little to live on. Andie is moody and difficult, and often is on huge amounts of medication. There is little hope for improvement in her condition, and we have seen dozens of specialists.
Before this, Andie and I had a good marriage and a fairly happy life. This has been going on for five years, and I feel like parts of me are dying. If I try and spend time with friends or do something on my own, she becomes angry and resentful. Any suggestions? Emotionally Drained in Denver
Dear Denver: Your situation is difficult, but we hope you will not abandon Andie because life has taken a left turn. There are ways to have a reasonably satisfying sex life without intercourse. You and Andie should discuss this with her doctor and both be willing to adjust accordingly. Andie also should seek help from a psychologist who can work on her negative attitude (she is likely depressed), so your resentment doesn't boil over. Last, please contact the National Family Caregivers Association at (800) 896-3650 (thefamilycaregiver.org) for support. Good luck.
Dear Annie: The receptionist in our office has appointed herself the unofficial organizational maven. She is constantly reorganizing the break room (try to find the tea bags!), supply closet and coat closet, and she's especially fixated on my desk.
I am left-handed and have things set up for my convenience. At least twice a week, I find my desktop rearranged. I have asked "Darla" to leave my desk alone, but she shrugs and says, "I'm only straightening it up for you." We are not allowed to lock our desks, and Darla has started moving files from one drawer to the other. If I ignore her, she makes a point of telling me she was happy to straighten my things. Other workers don't get this much attention from Darla, though occasionally someone's favorite coffee mug will disappear because Darla found a chip or stain.
I have spoken to our boss, but he refuses to get involved. I like my job, but I'm giving serious thought to leaving. Sick of It in Alabama
Dear Sick of It: Darla is passive-aggressive. She's deliberately getting your attention in a way that seems kind but is actually hostile. So don't be nice. Tell her, "Darla, you are not permitted to touch my desk. If you don't stop harassing me, I will report you." Then tell the boss that if he doesn't put a lid on Darla's over-aggressive housekeeping, you will be forced to look for another job.
Dear Annie: I often see strangers at intersections asking for money, etc., and was at a loss what to do. Here's what I do now: I prepare a small sack of items that could help someone who is truly hungry. It includes sealed containers with fruit, peanut butter, beans, fruit drinks, peanuts, pudding and bottled water. I also add a plastic spoon and some light inspirational reading. I keep these items in my car so I am prepared to help if needed. We can't fix the world's problems overnight, but this might make a difference. Steve in College Station, Texas
Dear Steve: You are a kind and generous soul. Bless you for the suggestion.
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