KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Husband doesn't want her children living there

Dear Annie: Before I married "Wayne," he told me that my three teenage children from my previous marriage would not be allowed to live with us. Although I was not happy with his decision, I agreed because I did not want to be alone, and frankly, I thought he eventually would soften up. The two older children were away at college, and I didn't think my youngest, "Tara," would come back to live with me, as she had chosen to live out of state with her father prior to our divorce.
All was fine until two years ago, when Tara turned 18. Her teenage cousin died, and my daughter decided she wanted to move back home and be closer to the rest of the family. Wayne, however, told me it still was not an option for her to live here. He offered to put her up, temporarily, in a place of her own, but Tara was not emotionally ready to be by herself. He said if I needed to finish raising Tara, I could move out, and when she finally left, I could move back. We fought over this for a week, and it broke my heart to tell Tara she was not welcome to live with us.
My children have always been respectful and well mannered. I resent that I was asked to choose between my husband and my child, and feel guilty for making the choice I did. The guilt is worse when there are family gatherings and Tara misses out because she lives with her father, five hours away. Any advice for me? Torn Up
Dear Torn Up: We won't chastise you for the choices you've made, because it would serve no purpose. Your children are all adults and no longer need to live with you. The problem now is the resentment you feel toward Wayne, along with your guilt.
Counseling will help you and Wayne reach a more compassionate resolution about your children, while putting the past where it belongs. Please ask your doctor for a referral, and ask Wayne to go with you. In the meantime, perhaps you could help Tara with airfare so she could attend some of these family functions more often.
Dear Annie: I am embarrassed to ask, but I'm sure many pool owners have this problem. Last weekend, I had friends and family over for a swim party. One of the ladies (I'll call her "Nina") neglected to trim her bikini area, and it was quite noticeable. My guests kept bugging me to tell her, but I didn't have the nerve.
One of my guests finally said something to Nina. She just shrugged it off and casually acknowledged that she forgot to shave. I got the distinct impression that she liked the attention. This has happened before when Nina and I have gone to the beach. It's quite embarrassing, and you can't help but notice. What should I do? California Cookie
Dear California: If this happens a lot, we assume Nina does it on purpose. So, stop inviting her to your pool parties, and if she asks why, tell her. Enough already.
Dear Annie: I can relate to the letter from "Lost in the USA," who can't find her way from one place to another. I tend to make fun of this part of my mental makeup. I always say that I decide which way I think I should go and then go the opposite way. People think I am joking, but I'm not. It usually works.
I used to get so nervous, especially when traveling in Europe. Then one day, I decided there's no way I can get off planet Earth, and I never will be so lost I can't be found. Now I relax and enjoy the scenery wherever I may be. Of course, I always keep a cell phone handy, just in case. Eventual Arriver in Chicago
Dear Chicago: We like your healthy attitude. Thanks for writing.
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