Annie's Mailbox Daughter dropped out but kept cash

Dear Annie: We recently found out that our 25-year-old daughter, "Katie," has once again dropped out of college. Although she works full time and is paying her own living expenses, her father and I had been paying for her car, tuition and books, so she could attend school part time. I discovered that she has not attended classes for the last year, but she kept the tuition and book money we sent.
I told Katie how disappointed we are and asked why she lied, but she became defensive and hung up the phone. I love my daughter, but I am so mad and hurt that I don't know what to do. Any suggestions? Taken for a Ride
Dear Taken: You know why Katie lied -- because you would cut off the gravy train if you knew the truth. We don't blame you for being angry.
Tell Katie you are going to consider that money a loan (knowing, of course, that she is not likely to repay it). Then, treat her as the adult she is. Let her know you love her and you trust she will make the right decisions for her future, even if you don't agree. If she wants to go back to college, she will be responsible for her own tuition and books. (If you are feeling particularly generous, you can offer to pick up the tab after the first year -- paid directly to the school, of course.)
Dear Annie: I read a letter in your column from "Teacher," who also is the parent of an ADHD child. I wish I had read her letter years earlier, because I could have saved my ADHD son a lot of problems.
I was one of those parents who didn't want my child drugged because he had a great personality and I thought the drugs would make him a zombie. Well, as he got older, his personality changed. He became angry, mouthy and rebellious. His grades were terrible, and he was on the verge of failing. I finally had to admit I wasn't doing him any favors by not putting him on the proper medication.
Annie, I now have my old son back. He is happy again, sociable and charming, excited about school and nothing like the zombie I feared. I only wish I had put him on this medication earlier. Made the Right Choice
Dear Right Choice: Thank you for letting our readers know that the right medication can make a world of difference. Here's one more:
Dear Annie: ADD is a growing phenomenon. Medication may be considered necessary in many cases, but in a large percentage of cases, ADD and ADHD are triggered by poor nutritional habits. There is a great deal of progress being made in this area, and concerned parents and teachers ought to be aware of it. You can find out more at www.resultsproject.net. J.S.
Dear J.S.: We checked out that Web site, which promotes changes in nutrition. The suggestions are harmless enough, and many parents may wish to try them out before considering medication. However, we must warn our readers that the cost of the initial testing is $79, so caveat emptor.
Dear Annie: I'd like to respond to "Worried Mom," whose daughter talks to herself.
I am 64 and have been talking to myself for at least 54 of those years. It's my way of staying organized. Quietly chattering away hasn't hurt me one bit. I've been married 47 years, have two grown daughters and enjoyed a long career in finance. Now retired, I still talk to myself when arranging my schedule. As long as the girl's chats don't enter areas you mentioned, I say, let her ramble. Still Talking in Oregon
Dear Oregon: Based on our mail, there are so many people talking to themselves, we should pass out earplugs. We hope "Worried Mom" is reassured by your words.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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