Father discovered son's secret

Dear Annie: I occasionally monitor my children's computer to verify that they are not doing anything online that could harm them. This week, I discovered my 17-year-old son, "Nolan," has been having chat sessions with another boy. These conversations were of a sexual nature.
When I confronted Nolan, he admitted the whole thing. He told me that for as long as he could remember, he has never had any romantic feelings toward girls, but liked boys instead. I was speechless.
Neither my wife nor I ever suspected anything like this. We want to take Nolan to a counselor or psychiatrist, but he wants no part of it. Should we force him to go? Could he still possibly be heterosexual? We are at a loss as to what our next step should be. Devastated in Michigan
Dear Devastated: If Nolan is 17 and always has "liked boys instead," it is unlikely he is heterosexual. While therapy would be helpful if your son indicates he is confused about his sexuality, it will do no good whatsoever to force him. While this obviously is difficult for you to accept, please try -- for your sake as well as his.
Contact PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) to learn more about Nolan's sexual orientation and what you, as parents, should be doing. The address is: 1726 M St., NW, Suite 400, Washington, D.C. 20036 (pflag.org).
Dear Annie: My fiancee, "Samantha," and I are to be married this year. Our relationship is great except for one issue -- her parents.
Samantha is in her mid-20s, but her parents treat her like a child. Nearly every detail of our wedding has become contentious, and her parents claim they are within their rights to make demands because they are paying for it.
I find it hard to put into words the frustration I feel, not for myself, but for Samantha. She often is in tears after phone conversations with her parents. They know how to push her buttons. Conversations consist of a barrage of intrusive questions or complaints about the wedding plans. We see Samantha's parents at least once a week, yet they start every phone call moaning that she doesn't come home often enough.
I have known my future in-laws for two years, and I realize they are trying to control Samantha. Her father is insulting and threatening, while the mother plays on guilt. I know this will not end with the wedding. Samantha will be criticized forever on everything from owning a home to raising a child. How can I help her break the dysfunctional pattern? Wanting to Help
Dear Wanting: You can't. Only Samantha can change the family dynamics. Regardless of how hard her parents try to control her, it's Samantha's response that counts. Be supportive of her opinions and decisions, and back up her efforts to deal with her parents. If Samantha thinks she needs more help, suggest that she see a counselor who will work with her on ways to handle Mom and Dad.
Dear Annie: The recent letter from the couple wishing to solicit donations from friends and family for their in-vitro fertilization really tipped me over the edge.
Here's my question to them: If you cannot afford the procedures required to have a child in the first place, how on earth are you going to be able to feed, clothe and put the child through college? It costs far more than $15,000 to raise a child. Appalled in South Dakota
Dear S.D.: Many readers asked if the couple also would be soliciting for their child's braces and summer camp. We sympathize with the couple, but future costs are worth mentioning, and no one should expect others to foot the bill.
Creators Syndicate
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