KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox She's not sure revealing molestation is worth it

Dear Annie: A few years ago, I discovered my 27-year-old daughter, "Tess," had been molested as a child by my brother, "John." She never told anyone because John had threatened her. I later discovered that John had molested one of my nieces, too. When my niece served in the Army, her drinking became so out of control that she had to see a psychiatrist, who documented the molestation.
Tess and my niece have given me permission to tell, but I know some of my relatives will not believe me. My sister (the only other one who knows) doesn't want me to ruin the family and is afraid we will be cut out of Mother's will, even though her own daughter was molested.
No amount of money will ever give the victims back their childhood. My daughter is still in counseling. I am especially concerned about a nephew who, as a child, lived with John. This nephew has disappeared from the family.
My brother belongs in prison, although I'm not sure he can still be arrested for a crime that took place so long ago, and I don't know if my daughter and her cousin are strong enough to take him to court. Please help me. Loving Mom in New York
Dear Loving Mom: While many states have extended the statute of limitations when it comes to childhood sexual abuse, New York is not one of them. However, for some forms of abuse, the perpetrator can still be arrested up to five years after the victim turns 18. If that is the case for any of John's victims, he can be prosecuted, but it will take the willingness of those victims to step forward.
Talk to your daughter, and ask her to discuss the best course of action with her counselor. Whatever she chooses to do, please support her decision.
Dear Annie: My husband loves to coach baseball, and I never want to take that away from him. However, I really dislike this time of year, because all he talks about is baseball. We watch it on TV, he is in a Fantasy Baseball league with his buddies on the Internet, and he plays baseball videogames constantly.
I am jealous of baseball. I want to be a good sport, but is it so terrible for me to want a little more attention between April and October? Baseball Wife
Dear Baseball Wife: Be realistic. You can issue ultimatums and insist that your husband devote more time to you, but he'll resent it, and you'll feel like a shrew. Ask for one day each week (whichever day fits into the baseball schedule) when the two of you can go out to dinner and a movie, no sports allowed. It's a reasonable compromise, and Hubby should be willing to go along.
Dear Annie: In the last 10 years, I've noticed crosses or wreaths appearing wherever someone has been killed in a car accident. I am 48 years old, and for most of my life, I never saw anything like this.
I do not understand why people do this at the accident site. The deceased is not there. I get a shiver up my spine whenever I see one of these roadside memorials, and it upsets me. When did it become popular to set up these shrines? Michigan Driver
Dear Michigan: Actually, historians believe roadside memorials have been around for centuries, originally marking the place where someone died while traveling. However, you are right that they are gaining in popularity, and placing crosses, candles, flowers, notes and teddy bears gives the site a personal and spiritual significance, and seems to provide comfort for the bereaved.
Some places have outlawed these memorials, claiming they are distracting to drivers or obstruct vision, but they also can warn others of dangerous intersections. If the shrines upset you, complain to your local department of transportation.
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