JOHN ROSEMOND | Parenting Throwing food on floor is no cause for worry

Q. We recently expanded our 9-month-old daughter's finger-food menu at mealtimes. The problem is that she's discovered how much fun it is to throw her food on the floor. She doesn't seem to care if I take the food away from her and feed it to her myself, but isn't it important that she start developing the skills needed to feed herself? Do you have any suggestions on how to handle this?
A. Not to worry. The emergence of "throwing food on the floor behavior" at 9 months, especially if a dog is waiting below, is indisputable indication that the child's development, not to mention her sense of humor, is proceeding according to plan. Some researchers disagree with me on this, but I say if there is no dog, get one.
And now that I have that out of my system, here is the "professional" answer: Give your daughter one small piece of finger food at a time. If she throws it on the floor, ignore her. Mind you, don't even look at her.
Continue eating and talking. When she motions and grunts for you to get it, pick it up and give it to her (my mother always made me eat "floor food," pointing out that the floor was cleaner than the human mouth) with great nonchalance, without saying anything. Don't even look at her. You have to almost act as if she isn't there. If she throws it on the floor again, repeat the sequence.
When you are finished with your meal, clear the table, including her tray, and let her down. When she is hungry, she will let you know. In which case, feed her. Eventually, this too will pass.
Avoiding future battles
Postscript: The child above is simply taking innocent delight in orchestrating a "dance" during family mealtimes. This is not a discipline problem, but if treated as such, it has the potential of eventually developing into a major battle over food and eating. In fact, mealtime problems have become, in recent years, one of the most vexing of parenting issues.
To a significant degree, this has to do with the fact that today's parents tend to pay entirely too much attention to their children during mealtimes. They often treat their children like "superstars" at the table, thus giving them a stage from which to perform. These performances usually take the form of picking at and complaining about the food that's been served and refusing to eat or acting like the food triggers involuntary regurgitation as soon as it hits the tongue.
The preventive is to pay very little attention to young children during the family meal. Parents should engage in conversation, only occasionally asking children questions that are not food-related ("Don't you like your green beans?"). As a child grows, he or she can be included more and more in mealtime conversation, but "table talk" should never be about the food, and the understanding should most definitely be that if one cannot say something nice about the meal, one should say nothing at all.
Under no circumstances should parents ever prepare a healthy child his or her very own meal. As my wife and I told our kids, "None of us is more special than anyone else; therefore, no one gets a special meal."
XJohn Rosemond is a family psychologist. Questions of general interest may be sent to him at Affirmative Parenting, 1020 E. 86th St., Suite 26B, Indianapolis, Ind. 46240 and at his Web site, www.rosemond.com.