CHILDREN IN PUBLIC Present, not perfect

By MARY ELLEN PELLEGRINI
VINDICATOR CORRESPONDENT
NCLUDING CHILDREN IN public events and activities is part of the American lifestyle. Parents say the experiences educate their children about people and places. Other patrons say children disrupt a tranquil event. Both camps believe their wishes should be respected. So how do you peacefully integrate children into society?
According to the experts, when and where to take a child remains an individual parental choice. A child's personality, temperament and maturity level vary with his age group and his family. Counselors and psychologists advise parents to consider the child's ability to sit quietly, follow directions, maintain self-control and be respectful. Also keep in mind his level of interest and attention span.
They go often
Kirsten and Nathan Jacobs of Warren have always included their children in public outings. The Jacobses lived in Pennsylvania, Colorado and Indiana before moving to the Mahoning Valley three years ago. Because family is not close by and baby sitters are difficult to find, it's either take their 8-year-old daughter and 3-year-old son or stay home. The Jacobses chose the former.
Although Kirsten said it would be nice to see a movie "that didn't involve animation," she believes her children benefit from the decision to include them. "The kids are pretty well-behaved because they learned early on what to do and what not to do," she said.
Church functions
Besides watching movies, bowling, shopping and dining, the family attends many church functions because "the kids are very much welcome." So far the family has encountered few negative reactions to their children's presence. But they are selective about when and where they go.
"If the restaurant has a booster seat and a kids' menu, it says my kids are welcome here," said Kirsten. The family began dining out at child-centered establishments, then tried more formal eateries.
"We tell the kids you need to be polite, use your restaurant voice, sit in your chair," said Nathan. The couple believes those directives are followed because they enforce their expectations. If a situation doesn't work out, the family leaves. "It's hard to leave the restaurant when you have dessert coming and you really want dessert, but we do it," said Kirsten. The tradeoff for missing dessert is improved behavior down the road, she added.
Fewer outings
Roxanne Clark of Mount Jackson, Pa., takes her four daughters, ages 6, 5, 3 and 5 months, out less frequently. She and her husband, Bob, weigh the pros and cons before embarking on family outings. They consider cost, safety and wait time.
"If the kids don't have an interest or aren't ready, it's not fair to them. They won't enjoy it, and I won't enjoy it," said Roxanne.
Restaurant outings occur three or four times a year. The Clarks prefer more active venues such as amusement parks, zoos, skating rinks and play zones. They normally go early in the day on a weekday when businesses are less crowded.
One exception involves a family tradition. Each year since she was 5, Roxanne has attended "The Nutcracker" with her father. When her oldest turned 5, Roxanne watched a video of "The Nutcracker" with her daughter to gauge the 5-year-old's interest and attention span. Her oldest was enthralled, and the three enjoyed the live performance.
Roxanne followed the same routine when her second child reached age 5. That daughter showed little interest and didn't attend this past year's performance. "I don't take the kids out when I don't think they're ready because I don't want to ruin it for someone else," she explained.