TRAVEL GUIDES Zagat, Mobil compile reports

The Zagat people are once again calling for volunteers.
KNIGHT RIDDER NEWSPAPERS
Wouldn't it be neat to have the power to make hotel bosses quiver at the knees? Well, maybe not actually tremble in fear but at least recognize and respect the power of the guest/consumer?
Most do, of course. They're in business. But the frustrated traveler can daydream about the prospects of having his or her voice heard.
One small opportunity opens up as the Zagat gang is calling once again for volunteers. The Zagat Surveys are among the travel world's most popular consumer guides -- offering familiar red pamphlets with very well-read advice on cities, hotels and restaurants.
They're conducting their eighth annual survey of the "Top U.S. Hotels, Resorts & amp; Spas" and invite us to participate by casting votes online at www.zagat.com. We're asked to rate and review the facilities based on their rooms, service, dining and public spaces and facilities.
Those who cast votes by June 6 will receive a free copy of the Zagat Survey when it is published in November.
Hoteliers must be tossing in their sleep at this time of the year.
Mobil
As it happens, at this moment the Mobil Travel Guide people are also hitting the road to do their secret surveys.
Along with AAA, the Mobil folks are among the most influential. As travelers turn to the established guides for advice, a star here or there can make a huge difference.
Visiting thousands of hotels, Mobil inspectors recommend some basic steps to get the best experience:
UAt check-in, ask if you can upgrade to a better room. Often, suites or rooms with better views are empty, and the hotel will relocate you at a minimal cost.
UWhen staying at a resort, reconfirm if a resort fee is charged during check-in. Resort fees can at times include staff gratuities. Checking before you tip will save you from accidentally double tipping.
UWhen booking a reservation at a hotel with a spa or a notable restaurant, inquire about packages. Often, hotels run specials that may include a room upgrade, spa treatment, or special meal at the same rate as a standard room.
This year's Zagat survey includes more than 1,800 U.S. hotels, resorts and spas, including Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. The Zagat Surveys are based on the collective opinions of more than 250,000 surveyors worldwide.
They are also conducting polls on restaurants in Los Angeles/Southern California, New York City, San Francisco Bay Area and New York City theater district.
Caustic remarks
The huge number of observations should overwhelm the wise-guy remarks or cranks or people promoting their own hotel or eating establishment. As a bonus, the Web site has a special section of caustic remarks about restaurants that the company's lawyers wouldn't let them print if they named the restaurants.
These include:
U"Not even the belly dancer could convince me to go back."
U"At least the cockroach enjoyed my salad."
U"I saw a woman lick sauce off her husband's elbow."
U"Duck must have had a long flight -- tired, tough and took 90 minutes to arrive."
U"Portions so small I started laughing -- prices so high I started crying."
U"Eat the crayons. They taste like the calamari."
U"Have yet to learn that heat is an integral part of the cooking process."
U"Abandon tastebuds all ye who enter here."
U"Someone please close this restaurant. The food is as old as the customers."
U"The lobsters and shellfish on the plate are livelier than the clientele."
U"The stench of testosterone and desperation doesn't quite cover up the fact that this place stinks."
U"'Breaking bread' should not mean you have to use the side of the table."
U"My Russian mother makes better French food."
U"Should shut down the restaurant and just serve the view."
U"I think one of the ceramic pigs that adorn the walls could have given better service."
U"The waiter flipped our pizza onto the floor, face down. He scooped it back up and told us it was OK."