Single dad should tone down affection

Dear Annie: My good friend, "Oscar," is a single father of two teenagers. His wife left him years ago, and the children have grown up with no female role model.
My husband and I like Oscar and often invite him to dinner so our kids can play together. The problem? Oscar is constantly touching his 14-year-old daughter, rubbing her back, having her sit on his lap, kissing her on the cheek and hugging her. This happens every time we see them together.
Oscar has admitted that both children sleep in his bed. He thinks this is normal because he is a single parent. Is he right? Perplexed in Oregon
Dear Perplexed: No. A certain amount of affection is normal, even desirable, but constant physical displays could indicate a problem. More importantly, teenage girls should not be sleeping with Dad.
If you think Oscar would be receptive, talk to him about this. Be the female role model he is lacking. Explain to him that a growing girl needs her privacy and a caring father would see to it that she has a room of her own. She also needs to separate her developing sexuality from her father's affection, so Dad should tone it down considerably. Meanwhile, keep an eye on the situation as best you can to make sure nothing else is going on.
Dear Annie: We are a military family currently stationed in Hawaii. We've been here for 17 months, and since then, my husband's family has been to visit three times. They stay an average of two weeks.
My mother-in-law is scheduled to come again soon with two of her grandkids, and my sister-in-law and her husband already have told us they are coming in November. My mother-in-law hinted last week that her girlfriend wants to come with her on the next visit. This doesn't include relatives on my side of the family who also want to visit. So, we're booked through 2004.
The problem is that we're not very well off. I'm a stay-at-home mom. When we have visitors from my husband's side, they expect free board and lodging with all of the amenities, including a car with chauffeur and tour guide (me). Luckily, we live in military housing and don't have to worry about electricity or water, and we get food cheaper at the commissary, but it still adds up.
It's good to have visitors, but not all the time, and the expense is enough to give me a headache. Can you suggest something that won't hurt anyone's feelings? Hawaiian Tour Guide
Dear Tour Guide: Your husband needs to inform his family members that the constant company is putting a strain on your finances. And when you reach the saturation point with the incessant visits, simply tell your potential guests, "We're so sorry, but we won't be able to entertain you at that time. We have other plans."
Dear Annie: I am a teen, and I find your column very interesting. I read the story from "Worried Grandma" about her son picking up his toddler by her hands.
I have a little brother, and when he was young, I also picked him up by his hands, thinking it wouldn't hurt him, but I was wrong. One night I did it, and his arm popped out of the socket. I knew it hurt him a lot, and I felt horrible.
It is very dangerous to pick up a kid this way. I see many people doing it, and I doubt they know the dangers. Please tell them again. Sorry Sister in Kansas
Dear Kansas: Our readers will appreciate the reminder to lift children under their arms, not by their hands. You sound like a loving and caring sister, and we hope your little brother has forgiven you.
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