KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox She's overreacting to Army camaraderie

Dear Annie: My husband is in the Army and recently went out of town for a month on a mission with his fellow soldiers. When they were done, they spent a night drinking together. One female soldier was too drunk to stand up, so my husband offered to let her sleep it off in his hotel room. (She was staying elsewhere.)
This infuriated me, but my husband insists nothing happened and he was just looking out for a fellow comrade. He also excuses his actions by saying she slept in the bed, while he slept on the sofa. Also, there was another male soldier rooming with him, so it wasn't like they were alone together.
My husband cannot understand why I am angry and says I am overreacting to his simple, kind gesture. I asked how he would feel if I let a male co-worker sleep in my hotel room. His response was that in the Army, you have to be able to rely on your fellow soldiers. He couldn't promise it wouldn't happen again.
Am I wrong for getting so upset, or does this whole Army camaraderie thing simply give him an excuse for poor judgment? Fired Up Army Wife
Dear Army Wife: We don't mean to let your husband off the hook, but he is right that Army buddies share a special closeness. While it would have been more sensible to see that the woman returned to her own hotel, it also is understandable that he would offer to let her sleep it off in his room.
As always, the bottom line is, do you trust him or not? Ask if he can be more circumspect in the future. Explain gently how such a situation can easily get out of hand and that's why it worries you. If you aren't sure your point is getting across, please take advantage of the counseling services offered to Army spouses.
Dear Annie: This has been bothering me for five years, and I really need your help. An old friend of mine confided in me (while high on drugs) that her brother sexually abused her for years, from the time she was 12 until she was 20.
Her brother has since married and now has three small girls. Should his wife of eight years be informed of the abuse? I know I'd want to be told if I were married to him. Distressed Friend in New York
Dear N.Y.: If your friend was high on drugs at the time, it's possible the information is not reliable. However, if her brother did indeed sexually abuse her, it's important to make sure that his children are not at risk.
Talk to your friend. Ask her to verify what she told you five years ago, and if it's true, tell her she has an obligation to inform her family so the abuse is not repeated. If she needs help deciding how to do this, give her the number of RAINN (Rape, Abuse & amp; Incest National Network) at (800) 656-HOPE (800-656-4673) (rainn.org).
Dear Annie: I read the responses to "Miffed in Minnesota," who is often mistaken for a man. I have the reverse problem. I'm a man whose voice is often mistaken for a female's, and the older I get, the more often it happens.
I've asked my friends if I sound like a woman on the phone, and they tell me no, but I continue to be referred to as "Ma'am" when scheduling a doctor's appointment, ordering pizza, getting a burger in the fast-food drive-through and banking at the drive-up window. The more it happens, the more outraged I become.
I used to let it go by. Now I tell them that I'm not a woman, but they don't believe it. Are people just plain stupid? This drives me nuts. A Miffed Man in Los Angeles
Dear L.A.: No matter what your friends say, something about your tone or pitch makes people think your voice belongs to a female. If this angers you, make a conscious effort to lower your pitch when you answer the phone and see if that helps.
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