GEORGE CARLIN

Muslims, Christians, Jews and vegetarians may be offended by the title of Carlin's upcoming book.
By DEBORA SHAULIS
ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR
OMEDIAN GEORGE CARLIN SAYS he doesn't get much hate mail these days. He's so well-known for being skeptical and sacrilegious that people with fervent beliefs tend to avoid him and his events.
Of those who do write, "God bless 'em, they do try to come from a loving place," Carlin said.
God bless 'em?
It's not a sign of religious conversion for Carlin, whose 1972 "Class Clown" album contained a segment titled "I Used To Be Irish Catholic."
"It's a figure of speech that is part of the currency of our language," said Carlin, who finds comic inspiration in the way people use -- or misuse -- English. "'God bless 'em' means I've got no problem with them."
Carlin simply doesn't agree with them.
Beliefs
The comedian, who turns 67 this week, acknowledges on his Web site that there are few things he believes in, period.
Letter writers take the words of Jesus Christ literally and often enclose a pamphlet to encourage him to read Scripture. "It's like [Alcoholics Anonymous] for them," Carlin said. "They're just trying to be a little evangelical without preaching to you, or stopping you on the street."
Carlin doesn't want to suspend reason and logic -- God-given gifts, he notes -- for belief. "It can be intellectually maddening," he said. He uses the analogy of two football teams who pray before their game for victory. There can be only one winner, so isn't God letting someone down? he asked. To those who call it God's will, Carlin wonders why they bother to pray: "Why don't you live with what he decides rather than try to change his will? Are you arrogant enough to try to change his plan?"
As for athletes who kneel or point to the sky after scoring points, Carlin has a few words for them. He paused in midinterview to look up that essay on his computer. The bottom line: "God is not impressed by spiritual grandstanding," Carlin said. "I say play now, pray later."
New book
As Carlin packs his bags for a return engagement Thursday in Youngstown, his publisher is preparing his latest book for release this fall. Its provocative title: "When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?" -- Carlin's way of questioning the promised return of Jesus.
It was one of those random thoughts that he had jotted down long ago and pulled out years later, he said. He liked the rhythm of it. He liked it even more when his brother told him it would offend three large religious groups -- Muslims, Christians and Jews. Someone else noted that vegetarians wouldn't like it, either, he added.
Despite the title, the book isn't focused on faith. Like his previous books, "Braindroppings" and "Napalm and Silly Putty," this will be a collection of essays, commentaries and remarks. Some are lengthy, others are brief. Some are semiserious and logical, others are childlike or raunchy.
The book is "a quick, scary trip through a man's mind," Carlin said.
Indecency
Carlin isn't surprised by the current uproar over decency in broadcasting. A New York radio station in 1973 played his "Filthy Words" routine (from his "Occupation Foole" album) and felt the wrath of the Federal Communications Commission. The case eventually went to the U.S. Supreme Court, where justices voted 5-4 in favor of the FCC banning indecent words from the airwaves during hours when children may be listening.
The current uproar -- heightened by singer Janet Jackson's breast-baring stunt during the Super Bowl halftime show -- is just more of the same people and issues as before, in Carlin's opinion. He blames religion, for instilling fear and shame of the human body; business, which will sell evil images for profit but doesn't want to offend customers, either; and government, which is policing the airwaves because it's an election year.
"I watch this as sport," Carlin said. "I don't feel a stake, don't care about the outcome."
Other projects
Along with Carlin's new book will be his 13th HBO special, which is planned for fall 2005, and a live CD, which will be his 25th recording. He has more books in mind, one with "autobiographical overtones," he said. He may do yet another HBO special. His favorably reviewed performance in director Kevin Smith's latest film, "Jersey Girl," seems to be leading to more acting possibilities.
Carlin still performs concerts about 90 times per year, but perhaps not for much longer: "As much fun as I get out of my road shows, there's a point when you wake up and [want to] know that you're going to be home."
On the road or off, Carlin will always be fascinated with language. One of his essays in his new book is about people who have problems and those who have issues, which to Carlin sounds less truthful and more arrogant. He paused again to turn back to his computer so he could read an excerpt aloud.
Carlin is proud of his extensive filing system for his equally extensive collection of writings.
"I'm a crazy artist on one side of my brain but a mad scientist on the other," Carlin said. "The mad scientist keeps track."
God help us.
shaulis@vindy.com