ANNIE'S MAILBOX Unsanitary cooking habit turns her off

Dear Annie: My husband and I invite a certain couple to visit at our vacation home for two weeks each year. They are very nice folks and fun to be with. The guys work together on projects, and we gals visit and prepare meals, etc.
The problem is that "Gladys" is always licking her fingers during meal preparation, and tasting the dishes with a utensil that she will put into her mouth and then back into the pot. When dinner is served, Gladys will select a piece of meat, using her own fork rather than the serving piece. Then, after she's finished eating what she wants, she puts the remaining portion right back on the serving plate.
This drives my husband absolutely crazy. It's reached the point where he cannot eat if he sees Gladys in the kitchen. This year, when Gladys first arrived, my husband commented, "I cannot stand it when people stick their fingers in the food or use their own forks in common dishes." Gladys responded, "Me, too. I hate that!"
We do not want to hurt their feelings, but it makes me so uncomfortable and upsets my husband so much that I am not planning to invite them back next year.
Any better suggestions? Finger-Licking Good
Dear Finger-Licking Good: Which is less hurtful? That you stop inviting Gladys and her husband, or that you risk telling her the truth? We vote for the latter.
Since you are good friends, it shouldn't be too difficult to put some humor into your voice and lightly say, "Gladys, we want to have you back this year, but you must promise to stop sticking your fingers in the food." If necessary, blame it on your husband: "You know Charles is so picky about these things." If you catch her doing something unappetizing, remind her of her promise. But do it with a smile.
Dear Annie: My 19-year-old sister has become a hateful, spiteful witch. She dorms at college, and I have my own apartment, but I see her every week for dinner at my parents' house.
Whenever "Vera" is in my presence, she belittles everything I say and acts like I'm an idiot. If I get upset with her, my parents get mad at me. When I have asked my parents to talk to Vera about her behavior, they tell me that she's a wonderful girl and I'm being too hard on her.
My question is, must I go to my parents' place for dinner every week? I leave feeling hurt and used. I am 26 years old, and I don't want to be around people who put me down and don't let me fight back. Negative Feelings in New York
Dear N.Y.: No, you don't have to keep being abused at the family dinners. However, even if Vera is a spoiled brat, you should have figured out how to deal with her by now. You cannot make your family behave better, but you can change how you respond. Before cutting yourself off from these get-togethers, it might help to talk to a counselor about ways to cope with Vera and the fact that your parents still coddle her. She needs to grow up, for everyone's sake.
Dear Annie: I am appalled at your advice to the sister who replaced her 22-year-old brother's obscene T-shirt after her mother threw it out. Please support parents! I work at a high school, and it's disgusting the shirts students are wearing. We don't want to see any swear words, either. Don't override a parent. S.K.
Dear S.K.: We think Mom was wrong. This is not a high school boy wearing an obscene shirt to school. He is a 22-year-old adult and has a right to some privacy, even in his parents' home. Mom should have asked him not to wear the shirt in front of her, instead of rummaging through his drawers and ripping the shirt to shreds.
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