KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Daughter thinks she can come and go at will

Dear Annie: Our delightful, intelligent daughter, "Lucy," is a 19-year-old freshman at a state college 200 miles from here. She comes home to visit infrequently, and we adore seeing her.
The problem is that Lucy considers herself "grown up" and feels no need to tell us where she is going or what time she might return home. Once she told me she was going to the mall, and we didn't hear from her all night. When she returned the following morning, she couldn't understand our distress. I explained it was extremely inconsiderate not to let us know she was OK. A big argument ensued.
It is very disconcerting that Lucy thinks she can come and go as she pleases when she is at home. Annie, do you think it is unreasonable of us to ask Lucy what time in the morning we can expect her home when she goes out for her "night life"? Please hurry. Summer vacation is fast approaching. Concerned Dad in Ohio
Dear Dad: It is not unreasonable, but you need to approach it in a way that Lucy will understand and appreciate. Living away at college, she is accustomed to going out whenever she pleases, without having to report to anyone. Being at home requires an adjustment on her part as well as yours.
In a calm, loving manner, explain to Lucy that you worry when she is out all night. You can't help it. That's what parents do. You want to respect her autonomy, but she, in turn, must respect your concerns. If she will call and tell you that she isn't planning to come home, you can lock the deadbolt and sleep peacefully. (Or try.)
Dear Annie: I'd like to thank "Greenville, Mich.," who wrote an essay about living with multiple sclerosis. I am a 15-year-old girl living with fibromyalgia, a widespread musculoskeletal pain disorder for which the cause is still unknown. For a year, I went from doctor to doctor, most of whom told me it was all in my head.
It would break my heart when some of my friends would say, "Well, you don't look sick." Living with fibromyalgia is a constant and daily struggle. I am not asking anyone to feel sorry for me. Just be thankful you can wake up every morning and go to school or work pain-free. Not Crazy Anymore in Connecticut
Dear Not Crazy: Many readers applauded that essay and said it described their feelings -- whether they were suffering from MS, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue or other debilitating diseases. And then we received this interesting one:
Dear Annie: I found the letter from the MS sufferer extremely offensive. Nobody with MS has the right to speak for the rest of us who endure the disease. I have had very active MS for 20 years, and have never had problems with friends. May I suggest something new for those people who agree with "Greenville"?
Approach it with humor. Allow others to own your disease. Encourage them to laugh when you lose your balance. When someone staggers, laugh at them and accuse them of trying to be more like you. Let them show love by looking for silly cures, and allow them to think they can make it better. Never tell anyone, except the doctor, how you really feel. Remember how much fun you had hanging around Grandpa while he went on endlessly about his gout and diabetes? Learn something.
I went to a New Year's party and was carried around half the evening. When a woman asked why, I replied, "Why should any woman allow her feet to touch the ground when there are handsome men willing to carry her?" I assure you she did not want to hear that I could not keep my balance. Victims are seldom happy, and unhappy people usually don't have friends. Princess Stumble-lina in California
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