KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Dad's bad times have become dramatically worse

Dear Annie: For more than 10 years, my 71-year-old father has been battling depression, and he absolutely refuses to see a doctor. Ever since Dad's depression began, he has gone through cycles of good times and bad. During his bad times, he becomes paranoid, angry and irrational. Recently, however, the bad times have become dramatically worse. It has reached the point where Mom has asked me not to bring my 2-year-old son to their home anymore.
At no point has my father become violent, but I know the potential is there. His latest trick is to yell at Mom for days on end, not allowing her to sleep, and accusing her of all manner of bizarre behavior.
Last week, Dad asked Mom to have him arrested because he was afraid of what he might do. My mother did call the police but was told that unless Dad actually harms himself or someone else, they can't do anything. My mother is traditional "old country" and won't stay at my house, because she fears it will make things worse.
I adore both of my parents, but I'm terrified that Dad is going to hurt my mother. What can I do? Worried Sick in California
Dear Worried: We spoke to Dr. David Dunner, director of the Center for Anxiety and Depression at the University of Washington in Seattle. Dr. Dunner said dramatic behavior changes in the elderly require immediate attention, and your father's history of depression may not be the problem.
Your father may be reacting to medication, or he could have a metabolic, endocrinological or neurological problem. He could have a form of cancer, a serious infection or Alzheimer's, or he may have suffered a stroke or head injury. If you cannot get Dad to see his doctor for one of the above reasons, call the doctor yourself. Explain the problem, and ask what you can do. Also contact the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (dbsalliance.org) at (800) 826-3632 and ask for help. Good luck.
Dear Annie: The letter from "Feeling Good in Las Vegas" opened the door to a subject I've never seen mentioned before -- people who look grumpy but aren't. I inherited my father's weak jaw, small mouth and bad teeth. Now in my 60s, my face is collapsing, leaving deep wrinkles and a drooping mouth with the corners perpetually turned downward, giving me such a dour look that store clerks avoid eye contact and little children shy away. "Vegas" found that putting on a slight smile helped a lot. She's lucky. When I smile, it looks smirky and forced.
Perhaps your column will get folks to realize that many "grouchy old people" are really very nice and we have a lot left to offer. Feeling Bad in Texas
Dear Texas: No one should judge a book by its cover. Nonetheless, you might want to work on that "smirky and forced" smile. Ask your friends to help you find a more natural-looking expression, and then practice until it becomes comfortable. What do you have to lose?
Dear Annie: Last week, I was at a sports activity with my 4-year-old child. After a few minutes, I noticed he had some food in his mouth, which had apparently been given to him by another child's mother.
Annie, my child has a chronic disease that we manage carefully while monitoring what he eats. I had to pry open his mouth and get the food out before I could determine that it would not harm him. Some of us prefer that our children not be given food by strangers. Please tell your readers to ask first. Careful in Los Angeles
Dear Careful: With all the children who are allergic to various foods, you would think parents would know better. Here's the reminder. We hope it helps.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
Creators Syndicate