KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox 'Kyle's' behavior may be too stressful for 'June'
Dear Annie: We moved into our house just over a year ago. In that time, my 5-year-old son, "Kyle," has made friends with three of the children who live nearby.
At first, I had play dates for the kids and moms at my house, and the neighbors reciprocated. A few months ago, however, one of the mothers (I'll call her "June") began excluding my son from play dates. We can see her house from our window, and when she has the other children over, Kyle cries and asks why he isn't invited.
Last Halloween, June organized the children in the neighborhood to go trick-or-treating. Kyle was never called. When I asked June about it, she said there wasn't enough room in her van to take him. June also organized an Easter egg hunt and did not invite Kyle. He was the only child in the neighborhood who was not included.
I have asked the other neighbors if they know what's going on, but they don't have a clue. Kyle has ADHD and can get hyper at times, but I am always there to calm him down. The other mothers tell me that he is not a problem at all.
Annie, these children have to live near one another for a very long time. June is pleasant whenever I see her. I still invite them for play dates at our house, and they always come. Should I ask her point-blank if there is a problem, or just let it go and hope for the best? Brokenhearted Mom in New Jersey
Dear N.J.: It's time to ask. It's possible Kyle's behavior, while not a problem for the other mothers, is somehow too stressful for June. It also could be that her son has indicated he doesn't want Kyle over. Kids often go through stages where they exclude others. If that's the case, June ought to talk to her son about fairness and kindness, and explain that hurting others is not acceptable behavior.
Meanwhile, it's time to involve Kyle in activities where he can make friends outside the neighborhood and be less interested in what goes on at June's house. Check into programs at your park district, YMCA or community center.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Louisville, Ky.," whose husband, "Walter," can't keep quiet, and I started laughing out loud. I read the letter to my wife, who also started laughing. Why? Because I am just like Walter.
I, too, have obsessive-compulsive tendencies. I, too, surround myself with white noise, whether it is music or the TV. I doubt that "Louisville's" husband is completely unaware of his obsession. And the fact that Walter refuses to allow her a moment's peace bothers me. We obsessive-compulsive people are not tyrants.
Obsessive-compulsives are the ones who straighten the pictures on your wall, alphabetize and align all your CDs, and make sure every clock in the house is on the same time. We just can't help it. After 14 years of marriage, my wife and I have been able to make it work. She loves me for who I am, kooky quirks included. Maybe "Louisville" needs to look at why she married Walter, and not at his obsessive-compulsive nature. Another Walter
Dear Walter: Thanks for standing up for obsessive-compulsives everywhere.
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