KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Husband is intelligent, educated but unrealistic and irresponsible

Dear Annie: I have been married for three years. My husband, "Chip," is a loving man. However, I don't understand why he is so irresponsible. For the past two years, I have been the sole wage earner. Chip has invested his time and our money into dead-end jobs that don't last long and always put us further into debt.
My husband has a degree and is very intelligent. I don't understand his lack of motivation. He thinks every job should make you deliriously happy and refuses to take a position unless it is the job of his dreams. We have lost our home, our debt is out of control, and we are about to lose our car.
I am ready to leave Chip and start over, but I'm worried. He has made comments in the past that he will never give me a divorce and if I try, he will keep my dog. Please help. Lost in Texas
Dear Texas: Chip's idea of work is not realistic. We all want the job of our dreams, but until Chip finds it, he still ought to be contributing to the household.
Would Chip be willing to go with you for counseling? You can find free or low-cost referrals through United Way, the YMCA or your place of worship. If you decide you've had enough, talk to an attorney about an equitable settlement of the property -- including the dog. Chip should not be threatening you.
Dear Annie: "B.S." wrote about the problems he encountered with his mother's prepaid funeral. You recommended checking with the Better Business Bureau and the National Funeral Directors Association, but I wish you had mentioned the Funeral Consumers Alliance (www.funerals.org).
As a consumer advocacy organization, we help people realize that there are better alternatives to prepaying. Our organization has no connection to the funeral industry but is made up of volunteers who want to provide accurate consumer information. Please check out the Funeral Consumers Alliance and add this organization to your arsenal of referrals. Isabel Berney, Executive Secretary, Funeral Consumers Alliance of the Virginia Blue Ridge
Dear Isabel Berney: Many thanks for the additional resource. Here's more:
Dear Annie: I believe that all states have State Funeral Directing and Embalming Boards, and one reason that these boards exist is to protect the public. Your best bet is to contact them with your questions. Herman E. Elstermeier, Nebraska Funeral Directing and Embalming Board Member, Saint Paul, Neb.
Dear Annie: Thank you for mentioning the National Funeral Directors Association. NFDA stresses that preplanning does not have to mean prepaying. If a family does choose to prepay, they should consider all of their options before signing a contract. We encourage people to visit us at www.nfda.org for tips on prearranging funerals. Mark Musgrove, President, and Christine Pepper, CEO, NFDA
From Seattle: You were so right to warn people about the risks involved in prepaid funeral plans. A relative of mine purchased a policy valued at several thousand dollars. When I went to check on it at the funeral home, they denied such a policy existed and insisted I would have to purchase a new one. When I produced a canceled check and the original paperwork, they changed their story.
Indiana: If someone feels they have been cheated by a funeral director, they should approach legal authorities to investigate whether judicial action is warranted. All too often it is the dishonest proprietor who garners all of the notoriety, and the reputable operators are dragged into the spotlight to suffer. Consumers need to file complaints and pursue charges against the violators.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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