KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox His children haven't forgiven him for divorce

Dear Annie: My first wife and I divorced bitterly 13 years ago, after I had an affair with a co-worker. I was genuinely in love with this other woman, and we have been happily married for 12 years.
My three children, who were in their 20s at the time, took the divorce very poorly. My oldest daughter, "Lorna," now 40, has never forgiven me for leaving her mother. She did not invite me to her wedding two years ago, and I have never met her husband or her little girl. All of my efforts to make contact have been rebuffed. She even asked me to stop sending birthday cards.
Part of me wants to reunite with Lorna, but another part feels a lot of anger that she has shut me out of her life. Other family members have been unable or unwilling to mediate. Lorna has made it clear that the only way she will consider having a normal relationship with me is if I leave my wife. Obviously, that is not going to happen. My wife and I are very happy.
How can Lorna and I reconcile? I have nearly given up hope. Albany, N.Y.
Dear Albany: How sad that Lorna was so hurt by her parents' actions that she is unable to forgive. Holding on to her anger benefits no one.
You cannot make Lorna value her relationship with you. You can, however, continue to send birthday cards, make the occasional phone call and send letters periodically, without expecting anything in return. At least Lorna will not be able to blame you for giving up on her, and it's possible that one day, she will change her mind and want to reconnect. Of course, if this is more effort than you want to invest in the relationship, we can certainly understand if you choose to back away.
Dear Annie: I am a 12-year-old girl who thinks you give great advice, so I hope you can help me. I have a really bad habit of biting my nails. I sucked my thumb when I was younger, but when I was around 8, I traded that habit in for nail-biting. I am desperate to stop, but nothing seems to work. Do you have any ideas to help me kick the habit? Chewy in Nova Scotia
Dear Chewy: Nail-biting is often a symptom of anxiety or tension, so you might work on ways to reduce stress. The good news is a lot of young nail-biters outgrow the habit over time.
Ask your Mom if you can have a professional manicure. You are less likely to chew on lovely, painted nails. If that helps, you can maintain the manicure at home. If it doesn't work, try the Obsessive-Compulsive Foundation (ocfoundation.org), 676 State St., New Haven, Conn. 06511. Good luck.
Dear Annie: We recently moved back to my husband's hometown after he retired from the service. The problem is his sisters. We feel left out in the cold.
We aren't included in simple things like talking on the phone, being invited over to their house or even a shopping trip. We have made several attempts to invite his sisters over, but they always have "something else" to do. When we attend a family gathering, his sisters ignore us completely.
We have tried to figure how to get more involved, to no avail. It's been over a year, and I feel depressed and lonely. My husband is wonderful, but we need family, too. Hopelessly Devoted in the East
Dear Devoted: Your sisters-in-law sound immature, but it might help for them to get to know you. Call them up and chat. Invite them over whether they accept or not. Meanwhile, make friends outside the family. Join a book club, health club or choir, take a class in salsa dancing, or volunteer at your local hospital. Push yourself to meet new people, and your loneliness will dissipate.
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