KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Fitness class developed more than her physique

Dear Annie: Over the past several months, I've been attending fitness classes, and I find myself almost unbearably attracted to my instructor. I noticed he liked me from day one, and it didn't take too long for me to reciprocate the attraction.
I'm a nice-looking, 35-year-old woman who has been married for the past 10 years, unhappily for the last four. (My husband and I are living celibate lives.) Although nothing physical has transpired between my instructor and me, I find that I long for something to develop, and this has caused me to become so uncomfortable in class that I've decided to stop going.
I'm not certain my instructor realizes how I feel, but I'm so conscious of it, I can no longer look him in the eye. It also seems that all my classmates are aware of my feelings. I sense that they disrespect me.
I know my behavior is childish. If my instructor should call and ask why I am no longer attending class, what should I say? I feel stupid and need your advice. Thirty-Five Going on 13
Dear Thirty-Five: There is no reason to feel stupid. Your marriage is unsatisfying, and you are only human. At least you had the decency to leave the class when you understood where the attraction was headed.
Please work on your marriage and see if there is anything left to salvage. You owe it to yourself and your husband to make it better or end it honorably. If your instructor calls, tell him your schedule changed. No other explanation is necessary.
Dear Annie: This is in response to "Ann Arbor, Mich.," whose employee complained they were creating a hostile work environment by putting up artwork that may or may not have had religious meaning. This wasn't a sexual harassment case. If the employee is being offended, she has every right to find a different job. I'm sick of these whiners, and if I were the employer, I would find a way to fire her. This is the first time I did not agree with you. Parrish, Fla.
Dear Parrish: If this is the first time you've disagreed with us, our batting average is pretty good.
It's possible the artwork made the employee so uncomfortable that she felt it constituted religious or sexual harassment. There are valid reasons why these laws exist, but that is beside the point. The fact is, she can sue them, whether or not she is right. The judge can throw it out of court, but in the meantime, the employers still have to hire a lawyer and defend themselves. We're not arguing the merits of the case. We simply asked her employers to decide if it was worth the fight.
Dear Annie: Last summer, my husband's brother and his family visited us for several weeks. Once, my husband took us all out for dinner at a local restaurant. On the pretext of visiting the washroom, my brother-in-law went to the cashier and paid the entire check. It was only at the end of the meal that we found out he did this.
Since they were our guests for the visit, I feel it was our right, privilege and intention to treat. I know he was trying to be nice, but his actions upset us, and I am still a bit angry. Am I right in feeling he overstepped? How should we handle this next time? Still a Little Miffed in Canada
Dear Canada: How refreshing to hear people argue about who has the privilege of paying for something. Your brother-in-law did not overstep. When guests visit for an extended period, it is good manners for them to treat the hosts for at least one meal. Next time it happens, smile graciously and say thank you.
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