Springing another pop quiz

In honor of final exams being taken by students everywhere, it's time for another spring pop quiz.
The best reason to visit PNC Park in Pittsburgh this month is:
a. Fireworks night on June 18.
b. Pierogi races before the sixth inning.
c. Interleague play with the Anaheim Angels (June 15-17) and the Seattle Mariners (June 18-20).
d. The Pirates are hovering around .500 despite a payroll of less than $35 million.
Who would you most enjoy seeing win a championship?
a. The Lakers' Karl Malone.
b. Lightning captain Dave Andreychuk.
c. Flames captain Jarome Iginla.
d. All of the above. (Yes, we know it's impossible for Andreychuk and Iginla to both win).
Who would you least like seeing win another championship?
a. Kobe Bryant (Lakers).
b. Shaq (Lakers).
c. Vanessa Williams' husband, aka Rick Fox (Lakers)
d. Phil Jackson (Lakers).
Name the professional athlete of Nigerian descent whose six middle names include Elvis:
a. Shaq.
b. Bryant.
c. Latrell Sprewell (Timberwolves).
d. Iginla.
The best reason to watch the Stanley Cup Finals in ABC's HD format is:
a. Sam Ryan's hair and commentary.
b. Erin Andrews' hair and commentary.
c. Barry Melrose's hair, Darren Pang's commentary.
d. Amazingly clear views of very fast-moving sport complemented by expert sportscasting by Gary Thorne, Bill Clement and John Davidson.
Which Pirate has exceeded just about everyone's expectations for major-league success?
a. Shortstop Jack Wilson.
b. Infielder/outfielder/catcher Craig Wilson.
c. Third baseman/outfielder Rob Mackowiak.
d. All of the above.
Which TV commercials are the most annoying during sports timeouts?
a. Any vehicle ad that includes the word "hemi."
b. Miller's beer president campaign.
c. The Nextel walkie-talkie campaign.
d. Amstel Light's golf in a blizzard.
The best reason to watch the NBA Finals in ABC's HD format is:
a. You can really see all the sparkle in Mrs. Bryant's latest diamond ring.
b. You can feel the excitement of paint drying during another Lakers' win.
c. You can time how long it takes to dry a load of clothes during the final two minutes of just about any game.
d. You can claim a surefire cure for insomnia.
Mike Florak's tournament success with the Youngstown State University baseball team is surprising because:
a. The Penguins were bottom feeders during the regular season of the Horizon League.
b. They opened against second-seeded Butler.
c. They next had to play top-seeded Illinois-Chicago.
d. They have players who grew up in the Mahoning Valley (a concept unfathomable to some YSU coaches).
The worst reason to let children who hope to excel in basketball watch the NBA Finals is:
a. Fundamentals aren't on display.
b. Tattoos.
c. Excessive dunks.
d. Grownups in well-paid jobs (we call them referees) who can't count to three (as in steps without dribbling the basketball or seconds planted in the paint).
The best reason to watch the French Open is:
a. The American men.
b. The non-American men.
c. Serena vs. Venus.
d. Serena's outfits.
What are the chances of Bryant leaving the Lakers as a free agent?
a. Slim.
b. None.
c. Nada.
d. About the same as his spending one moment behind bars for his off-season adventures.
Which former Pittsburgh Penguin next will get his name engraved on Lord Stanley's Cup?
a. Jaromir Jagr (Rangers).
b. Johan Hedberg (Canucks).
c. Alexei Kovalev (Canadiens).
d. Andrew Ference (Flames).
Pass your papers forward -- class dismissed.
(When in doubt, try answer d.)
XTom Williams is a sportswriter for The Vindicator. Write him at williams@vindy.com.