KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Readers had plenty to say about strip-club party

Dear Annie: Your response to "Disgusted in California" disgusts me. She was upset that her husband might attend a bachelor party at a strip club, and she threatened to go to a bar in retaliation. You said, "A wife needs to decide if she trusts her husband or not. One night spent looking at naked women is not going to hurt a healthy marriage." Baloney!
I am sickened by the way men and women take their marriage vows so lightly. I do trust my husband. I trust that he will not attend a party where the groom has a last fling with a beautiful woman. If he steps into a strip club, it says his future wife is not good enough for him. Disgusted in Virginia
Dear Virginia: We heard from plenty of readers on this one. Read on:
From Chicago: I was a waitress in a strip club, and it infuriates me that women who have never been to such a place think they know exactly what happens in one. "Disgusted" should check local city ordinances, which often prohibit total nudity in clubs and don't allow the women to be touched. The women working at these clubs are not romantically interested in the patrons. They are there to work. Allowing your husband to go to a strip club is harmless. The only way something bad will happen is if Hubby has bad intentions, which, of course, is a different problem.
Riverside, Calif.: "Disgusted" should put her foot down and tell her husband this bachelor party is definitely a no go. It's not about trust; it's about respect for her feelings. He should stay home with a live naked woman -- his wife.
Denver: Once every few months, I go to a strip club with my husband. He enjoys watching the dancers, and I get the benefit of his enjoyment. At least her husband is honest about going. Many men lie to their wives about attending strip clubs because they know their wives would be angry. It doesn't stop them, though.
East Coast: That woman has several problems that need to be addressed by a doctor or counselor. She may have an anxiety disorder, and she obviously has control issues. This woman should seek therapy and medication. She is dealing with near-crippling insecurities.
Post Falls, Idaho: Why should a husband or a wife want to do anything that is likely to cause discomfort to their spouse? The man is a clod in my opinion, and needs to grow up and treat his wife with the respect and consideration she deserves.
Midwest: If a man had said to his wife, "I won't speak to you if you go," you would call him a control freak. Instead, you tapped her wrist with a feather. Her statement about going to a bar to flirt in retaliation shows she thinks of men as toys and she can do what she wishes with them. When I was young, we called that a tease.
California: It is unfortunate that society has lowered the standard of what a man should be. Men for years have been making the wrong choices, so it comes as no surprise that homes and lives are being shattered at an alarming rate. You should not be supporting those choices. A man should look only at the naked body of his wife. A real man loves his family and puts their feelings first.
New York: I am sick of insecure wives who demand that their husbands not go to strip clubs or look at porn. Obviously in every situation there can be excess, but if a wife cannot trust her husband when he is away from her, then their relationship is a sham. After 16 years, I know my husband loves only me, even though he enjoys looking at others. I sometimes look with him. The major benefit is that it has enhanced our bedroom experiences and the quality of our overall relationship. Thank you, I've been dying to vent on this for years.
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