KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox She's doesn't want to return to agony of dating

Dear Annie: I am a 54-year-old woman, divorced for 10 years. Men seem to like me, but nothing has come of it. In most cases, it was my decision to end the relationships -- one man was verbally abusive, and another was so busy with his career and sports, I knew I'd never rate high enough in his life. The others were people I thought were pleasant and nice, but I wasn't in love with them.
I have a full life with a high-paying career, and I'm involved in many activities, but I'm tired of dating. It's frustrating. I feel lonely and disconnected, and I want to be part of a couple and have some stability in my life.
For the past three months, I've been dating a wonderful man who is in love with me. "Jack" is 57. He's a sweet, good person. I enjoy his company, but I suspect it's mostly because we go to fun places. I really, really want that life. But I am not in love with Jack. Every time we are together, I feel guilty.
The thought of giving up this nice person to return to the agony of dating is just horrible to me. What should I do? Confused and Miserable
Dear Confused: We know dating can be a drag, but we think you are expecting too much, too soon. Those sweep-you-off-your-feet relationships are very exciting, but the feeling rarely lasts. Love doesn't have to hit like lightning. It can grow, slowly and steadily, if you have an open heart and are patient.
Give Jack a little more time. If you still don't think you can love him, cut him loose, and let him find someone who can. Since you have no problem attracting men, you might want to spend some time figuring out what, exactly, you want from them.
Dear Annie: I'd been pretty healthy all my life, when suddenly I could not eat a thing without bloating, diarrhea and gas. After a year of seeing different doctors and having a battery of tests, I finally was told I had a microscopic intestinal parasite.
I had never heard of this problem before, but the doctor said it is fairly common. Many physicians still believe you can get parasites only by traveling abroad, but in reality, the growth of the imported food industry has greatly increased the incidence of infection in this country.
My illness was treated, and I'm fine now, but I worry that others with severe digestive problems might go through the same nightmare. Kingston, N.Y.
Dear Kingston: We truly live in a global community today, and with imported food and increased air travel, diseases are no longer confined to particular areas of the world. Thank you for the timely warning.
Dear Annie: This is for "Orange, Calif.," who didn't want to give out her recipes. I used to think the same way. Many times I would show up with a dish and be hounded for the recipe. Never mind that I got "my" recipes from someone else.
I once asked my husband's aunt for one of her treasured recipes. She told me she never gave them out. I was crushed, for I admired this woman and her cooking, but she would not relent. A year later, this dear person died, and we discovered she had destroyed all of her personal recipes so no one else could ever use them.
Now if someone asks for one of my recipes, I graciously give it to them. If the recipe came from someone else, I tell the story of how I acquired it, and my story immortalizes the person. Cherished Memories
Dear Cherished Memories: If everyone told such stories, people might be less possessive of their recipes, knowing they would receive full credit. Handing down recipes is a way of preserving memories as well as cooking skills. Those who do not wish to share shouldn't have to, but we hope they will keep your generous words in mind.
Creators Syndicate