HOW SHE SEES IT Kids have a way of making moms aggressive
By BETSY HART
SCRIPPS HOWARD NEWS SERVICE
A new study from the BBC says that "good mothering" can limit aggression -- at least in rhesus monkeys.
In one study, Dr. Stephen Suomi of the National Institutes of Health "looked at the effect of rearing on young monkeys genetically prone to aggressive behavior."
From birth to 6 months of age the monkeys were reared either in a nurturing, supportive way by their mother or were left with their siblings to fend for themselves. "... the monkeys that had been reared by their mothers had normal levels of serotonin and displayed normal behavior despite being genetically prone to aggression."
As expected, the monkeys left with their siblings ".... displayed aggressive behavior."
Dr. Suomi told the BBC, "It's a gene-environment interaction. There is a buffering effect of good mothering. ... Good mothering is very important and may actually protect individuals who have genes that make them vulnerable (to aggression)."
Okay, that's great. Good mothering makes kids less aggressive (duh) or at least baby rhesus monkeys less aggressive, and some would say it's really kind of the same thing anyway so yeah, it makes sense.
But, how about a study on what kids do to the aggressiveness of mothers?
I wonder that sometimes as I'm yelling "Stop it now!" to one or all of my four little ones. Yes, I yell, it happens, okay? Sometimes I'll even smack a tabletop as I'm doing it to make my point. Boy, does that get results in a hurry.
I used to be this fairly calm person. Then my children came into the world. Watch out.
Now, my aggressiveness toward them is nothing compared to my aggressiveness in defense of them. I'm not one of these moms who thinks "my kid couldn't have done that -- it must have been yours." Usually I accept the fact that it was mine.
'Back off'
But, on those occasions when I have witnessed a child attempting to hurt or bully one of mine, watch out. Remember that great scene from "The Hand That Rocks the Cradle?" Rebecca De Moray, the "nanny," essentially threatens the life of a child who so much as looks in the wrong direction at one of her little charges. Ouch. That kid was never the same. That's how I've felt at times as I've had to restrain myself while telling some child to "back off" from one of my youngsters.
I never knew what aggression was until I felt my children, or my family, being threatened.
C.S. Lewis talks about this in his great book, "Mere Christianity." He's essentially talking about human nature, and he makes the point that if your dog bites the neighbor child next door, whom would you rather deal with -- the dad or the mom?
Mom, of course, is essentially a lioness. No one wants to mess with her.
I remember as a child reading a news story about a woman who saw a car literally roll over, and trap, her child. Because of her adrenaline rush, she was able to physically lift the car off of him.
Super moms
As a kid, I didn't believe it for a second. As a mother, I figure I could lift a semi-truck if one of my little ones were trapped underneath.
That's what I call healthy aggression.
Have you ever heard of a father battling other dads to get that year's super popular toy at Christmas time? That was the subject of a popular movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger, "Jingle All the Way" -- but it's not real life. It's the moms who are slugging it out in the toy-store aisles.
Why? Because our children turn us into maniacs, that's why!
That's the point. Studies repeatedly show that if fathers are watching toddlers, they let the little ones get much farther away from them (apparently while swapping sports stores) than moms ever would without running after the tykes.
Kids have a special impact on us moms. They may become less aggressive with good mothering, but we become more aggressive with good mothering.
Life with kids is not fair -- but it sure is worth it.
X Betsy Hart is a frequent commentator on CNN and the Fox News Channel.