Many things can be done for 'Natalie's' father

Dear Annie: Recently, the father of a good friend of mine (I'll call her "Natalie") was diagnosed with terminal cancer and sent home on hospice care. A mutual friend told me that doctors don't expect Natalie's father to live more than a month.
I have been close to Natalie's family for such a long time that I have come to call her parents "Mom and Dad." I want to see Natalie's father, not necessarily to say goodbye, but to talk to him one more time. I am hesitant to do so because I do not know if he wants visitors, and I'm not sure what I would say. What exactly do you talk about with someone who doesn't have much longer to live? Sorrowful in Pennsylvania
Dear Sorrowful: Call Natalie, and ask if her father is up to having you visit. If not, send a "thinking of you" card, and continue to call regularly for updates.
If Natalie encourages you to visit, you don't have to say much. Your presence will provide comfort, even if you simply hold his hand, rub his back or feet, chat about wonderful memories you share, play a card game, pray together or listen to the radio. It's also good to tell him how much you care about him. If he wants to talk about his illness, simply listen, but let him be the one to bring it up.
Visit as often as you can. Meanwhile, does the family need assistance with meals? Grocery shopping? Errands? Perhaps you can help. Also, suggest to Natalie that she take advantage of the support services offered through Hospice.
Dear Annie: I have reached a crossroad in my life and am not quite sure which path to take. I know the right thing to do, but I can't stop thinking of the wrong thing.
My husband of 20 years had an affair with a co-worker that lasted about a year. In the midst of his affair, his job relocated us to Chicago, which obviously made his extracurricular activities more difficult. A few months after our relocation, he finally confessed what I had suspected for months.
We had marriage counseling, and things seemed better, but I was so hurt and insecure at the time that I would have done anything to save the marriage.
Three months ago, I met an attractive man who is exciting, but he's very mysterious and does not share a whole lot with me. On the other hand, I have shared my thoughts, hopes and dreams with this man. We are not having an affair, but I can't stop thinking about him. The idea of sleeping with him thrills me. It's wrong, I know, and it would be so hypocritical of me to do it, but I can't get him out of my head. How can I overcome these feelings? Chicago
Dear Chicago: You have not actually forgiven your husband for his affair, nor have you gotten past it. It is natural that you would be attracted to someone who epitomizes the romance-novel notion of a good-looking, mysterious stranger.
You must decide if you want to stay married or not. Go back to your marriage counselor, alone if necessary, and work it out. Once you have made a true commitment to your marriage, or determined that it's over, you will know what to do.
Dear Annie: This is in response to "Happy Couple in Pennsylvania," who don't want their children to throw a lavish party for their 50th wedding anniversary.
We wanted to throw a party for my in-laws. My father-in-law was concerned about the money and shut us down, saying "absolutely not." I wish we hadn't listened.
My in-laws are no longer with us, and one of my biggest regrets is that we never gave them that party. Please tell your readers to allow their children the joy of giving. Regretful Daughter-in-Law in New Jersey
Dear N.J.: Your in-laws meant well but perhaps didn't realize that giving can bring as much pleasure to the givers as to the recipients. Thank you for saying so.
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