KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox 'Perry' doesn't have control over his emotions

Dear Annie: I am a married woman with a toddler. The problem is my husband, "Perry," who doesn't seem to have any control over his emotions. Any small annoyance, such as dropping a bowl of soup onto the floor or hitting his shin on the open dishwasher, and he will blow up and lose his temper. He has never hit me, nor do I feel like he ever would. Instead, he slams cabinet doors, yells and curses.
Last night, Perry dropped a plastic container filled with chili. He began barking, "Help! Help!" getting louder and louder as our son watched. I started cleaning up the mess, but Perry's ongoing hollering and nasty comments made me feel so stupid that I grabbed by son and retreated to the bathroom.
We've been together for four years. Normally, when Perry is not angry, he makes me feel beautiful and intelligent. He doesn't yell on purpose. He has been to therapy for his emotional abuse and is taking an antidepressant.
But this behavior happens so frequently that I don't know how much longer I can hang on. I am exhausted from hearing the barrage of obscenities and hate, whether it is directed at me intentionally or not.
I love Perry dearly and don't want to leave him, but I can't take much more of this. Melancholy in Memphis
Dear Melancholy: If Perry is still exploding on a regular basis, in spite of past therapy and medication, he needs more help. Either the medication isn't effective, or he needs additional therapy and possibly anger management classes. Insist that Perry return to his therapist or ask his doctor for another referral. You also should discuss your concerns with his therapist so Perry can work on those specific issues. If Perry doesn't follow through, you should consider a separation.
Dear Annie: You printed a letter from "Distraught and Alone," a sophomore whose parents were "sticking their heads in the sand" every time she wanted to discuss sex or birth control.
I have a 14-year-old daughter who is a freshman in high school. I thought I was cool and understanding, but I, too, had my head in the sand. Last week, my daughter told me she thought she was pregnant. Talk about a rude awakening. I have no more illusions about what kids do these days. I wish my daughter had been like "Distraught" and talked to me about birth control before having sex.
"Distraught's" parents should read this and understand their daughter is acting very responsibly by wanting to save them the heartbreak I just had to endure and the choices I had to make. And to "Distraught": Kudos to you for being so levelheaded and wise at your young age. Keep in mind, however, that birth control does not protect you against sexually transmitted diseases. Good luck. No Ostrich in New York
Dear Ostrich: Thank you for the words of caution. Here's one more:
Dear Annie: I wish you had suggested that "Distraught" (and her mother) go to a Planned Parenthood affiliate. She can get birth control information free of charge. Dorothy Morris, Board President, Planned Parenthood of Hawaii
Dear Annie: Can you please tell me if it is inappropriate to applaud "The Star-Spangled Banner"? My recollection is that you don't do it -- it's sort of like applauding a hymn in church. What do you say? Ex-WAAC/WAC
Dear Ex-WAAC: Unless the national anthem is sung as a performance piece, it is not appropriate to applaud at the end. However, we are not going to argue with the 50,000 hockey fans who begin cheering as soon as they hear the words "home of the brave." We'd like to keep our teeth, thanks.
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