KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Ex-in-laws' comments make mom uncomfortable

Dear Annie: I am having a conflict with my ex-husband's parents. My children and I plan to take a vacation near their home, and Grandma and Grandpa want us to stay with them. I am not comfortable with this, as they continue to support their son in his choice of an unhealthy lifestyle (alcohol and drugs), which is damaging and unsafe for our children to be around.
Whenever I am in the presence of my ex-in-laws, they make constant comments to my children about how our family should "get back together with Dad," even though that relationship was destructive and dangerous. I know they want to see their grandchildren, but I want my kids to be protected from their unhealthy influence. What should I do? Confused in California
Dear Confused: You do not have to stay with the ex-in-laws in order for the children to see their grandparents, under your supervision, for a short time. Simply thank them for their generous offer, tell them you already have reservations elsewhere (make sure you do), and ask when it would be convenient to visit.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Against Guns in Lawrence, Kan.," who is concerned about her child being invited to the homes of playmates whose parents own guns. I agree that parents have the duty to set limits for their children. The problem is, how do you know if the parents have guns?
Please tell "Lawrence" to teach her children what to do if they encounter a gun. Encourage her to enroll her children in the NRA's Eddie Eagle program, which teaches children who see a gun: 1) Don't touch it. 2) Leave the area. 3) Go tell an adult. These rules work. I know, because besides being a father of a 7-year-old, I also am a police officer with 17 years' experience. S.M., Police Officer, North Carolina
Dear Officer: Several readers recommended a gun safety program, and we cannot argue with the logic of teaching children how to protect themselves. Nonetheless, parents should know all they can about their children's play environment. Here's one more:
Dear Annie: I am writing to thank you for your thoughtful response to "Against Guns in Lawrence, Kan." I applaud her for being aware that her son's playmate's family has a gun. So many of us, unfortunately, don't ask. We don't think to do so or aren't comfortable bringing up the topic. But more than 40 percent of American homes with children also contain guns. In 25 percent of these homes, guns are kept loaded and unlocked. Asking can save lives.
Now another danger is threatening our neighborhoods. Military-style assault weapons, like AK47s and UZIs, will be legal again in September, and back on our streets, if the current 10-year ban is allowed to expire. The Mother's Day March to Halt the Assault will be traveling across the country this summer to garner support to renew the ban. Mothers of America, we need you. Our kids, cops and communities need you. Please join us by checking our Web site at www.mmm2004.com or by calling (888) 989-MOMS (888-989-6667). Shikha Hamilton, National Spokesmom, Million Mom March United with the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence
Dear Annie: When entering a room, should the person walking in acknowledge the people in the room, or should the people in the room acknowledge the person entering? Who should say "hello" first? R.M.
Dear R.M.: It depends. If someone is having a party, the person who arrives should be greeted by the host. If you are sitting down to dinner and a guest arrives late, he should say hello first and apologize for his tardiness. If a group of friends are watching TV and a stranger walks in, call the police.
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