Silence please! Golfers at play

VIENNA -- Before I get to today's column (entitled "Why we should be allowed to heckle at golf tournaments"), I would just like to apologize for something I wrote in Thursday's paper.
In that story, I may have hinted that this year's tournament field is less than stellar, and that no one would pay $15 to watch Pat Hurst play golf.
This upset a few players, so let me say for the record that I was wrong. The field is excellent and I think Pat Hurst is the most wonderful golfer -- nay, the most wonderful person -- on the planet. If I had any kids, I would name them all Pat Hurst. If I didn't get into the tournament for free, I would pay thousands of dollars to watch Pat Hurst play. I would even sell my car and go into debt, if that's what it took.
I'm a jerk. I admit it. Please forgive me. Please, please, please.
Are we OK now?
Changing tradition
Anyway, back to today's topic. For those of you who don't follow golf religiously -- and this includes me -- you may not realize just how quiet you have to be at golf tournaments. It's a big faux pas to say anything while someone is (pick one):
U Hitting.
U Getting ready to hit.
U Breathing.
In fact, they have volunteers who spend all day holding up signs that say "Quiet please." And anyone who doesn't follow this policy, gets escorted out and -- most people don't know this -- beat with sticks.
To my knowledge, this is the only sport that does this. Tennis does, but that's usually only before serves. If you're a pro baseball player, you get heckled. If you're a pro basketball player, you get heckled. If you're a pro football player ... well, you probably can't hear anything. But trust me, you're getting heckled.
Golfers don't get heckled. Not only that, it's considered very impolite to do anything except tap your palm. (This is called -- and I happen to think this is a very good name for it -- a "golf clap.") You're also allowed to yell, "Nice ball!" and "Get in the hole!" but only after they've hit. Anyone who yells before they hit gets beaten with sticks.
And God forbid you take pictures when someone is about to hit. Earlier this year, Tiger Woods' caddie actually kicked a photographer's camera because the shutter was too loud. And you know what? Aside from Tiger apologizing, no one really did anything about it.
New kind of tournament
For the most part, these are a good policies. Golf is a gentleman's game and it should stay that way. That's what separates it from sports like bowling, boxing, cock fighting, underwater dodge-ball, etc.
But I have a proposal. Once a year, they should have a tournament where you're allowed to heckle. You'd be allowed to yell and jeer. You'd be allowed to yell "Choke!" right before the players putt. And then, when the players miss theirs putts, you'd be allowed to boo them.
"I don't know how well that would go down," said LPGA golfer Nadina Taylor. "It's not really a sport where we do that. It has a reputation of hush-hush.
"I think a lot of loud noise is fine, but if someone yelled at the top of my back-swing, I'd probably flub it."
For the record, it's never happened to Taylor.
"I've only seen the rowdies on TV," Taylor said. "But I haven't been in contention on a Sunday afternoon where everyone is in that rowdy mode, either."
OK, OK, so maybe it wouldn't work on the LPGA tour.
But how about the PGA tour?
Two years ago, when the U.S. Open was held at Bethpage Black in New York, Sergio Garcia got heckled. (Some of the fans were chanting "Martina" because he was dating Martina Hingis.) It was mean, it was inappropriate and, at the risk of siding with a bunch of drunken New Yorkers, it was kind of ... well, fun.
The galleries were loud. The fans were into it. It was different.
I'm not saying all tournaments should be like this. Just one. And if Tiger's caddie says anything, we'd be allowed to beat him with sticks.
Now I would pay $15 to see that.
XJoe Scalzo is a sportswriter for The Vindicator. Write him at scalzo@vindy.com.