HOW HE SEES IT A (bleep) from Cheney
By JIM SHEA
HARTFORD COURANT
Mr. Cheney, I was wondering if we could have a word with you?
What the (bleep) do you want?
Excuse me?
Sorry, nothing personal, but ever since I told that (bleeping) Leahy to go (bleep) himself last week, I haven't been able to stop cursing.
Why do you think that is, sir?
Well, it's like I explained to the boys over at Fox News, it makes me feel soooooo good.
So if it feels good, do it?
You're (bleeping) right.
There are differing versions of what happened between you and Sen. Leahy at that photo shoot in the Senate chambers. Can you give us your version?
What's to tell? That (bleeping) Leahy walks over to me and tries to make nice, and I told the (bleep) where to get off.
The reports
According to reports, you were upset with some accusations Leahy has made concerning you and your former company Halliburton.
You bet your (bleep) I'm upset. Where's that little (bleep) get off saying Halliburton got all those no-bid contracts just because I'm calling the shots around here?
So Leahy's charges are false?
That's not the point, you dumb (bleep). The point is Leahy shouldn't be going public with this kind of (bleep). The man has no integrity, the (bleep).
Sort of an honor among thieves violation?
(Bleeping) right.
You're smiling now, sir.
Yeah, I don't know what it is, but this (bleeping) swearing really makes me feel warm all over.
Sir, I hesitate to bring this up, but there are those who say that the way you went off on Sen. Leahy is further indication that you are becoming a bit unhinged.
What in the (bleep) are you talking about? Unhinged? You can take your unhinged and (bleep), and when you're done with that you can (bleep) till the cows come home.
So then you won't mind if I ask you about Michael Moore?
Not at all.
So what do you think about Moore?
I think this is America, and he can make any kind of (bleeping) film he wants.
That's it?
That's it, except I think the fat (bleep) is a left-wing terrorist, who is a (bleeping) card-carrying member of the Democratic Party, which is a (bleeping) terrorist organization.
Flushed
You're getting a little flushed, Mr. Vice President.
And you want to know what I think of "Fahrenheit 9/11." I think it's (bleeping) propaganda. I think it's the worst (bleeping) movie ever made. I think it's (bleeping) treasonous, and all the (bleep) who go see it should be lined up and (bleeping) shot.
And (bleep) (bleep) (bleep)! YES. YES. YES.
Mr. Vice President, are you all right?
Whew! God, that that was good for me. You wouldn't have a cigarette, would you?
XShea is a columnist for The Courant. Los Angeles Times-Washington Post News Service