ANNIE'S MAILBOX He has grave misgivings about their relationship

Dear Annie: I am a 49-year-old married man with three children, and I had an affair with my 34-year-old office assistant. We both are now separated from our original partners, although we are not living with each other. "Cora" lives with her three children from her two previous relationships. We are still seeing each other.
Here's the thing. After we started going out, Cora began e-mailing her first ex-husband in a sexually explicit way. There were some heavy phone conversations going on as well. When I confronted Cora, she said she only wanted revenge for some nasty things her ex had done, and she was trying to fool him into thinking she'd sleep with him. Cora promised to stop corresponding, but a few weeks later, she did it again. She begged my forgiveness, and naturally, I caved.
Cora also has exchanged some extremely flirtatious e-mails with an ex-boyfriend, but she insists she loves me and would never be unfaithful. I now have grave misgivings about our relationship. We have had counseling, mainly because I have broken up with her a number of times and she has trouble handling this (crying jags, screaming).
She has a terrible temper, by the way. What should I do? Fearful in Puerto Rico
Dear Fearful: It's time to listen to your brain instead of your libido. Cora cannot be trusted, and if she isn't cheating on you now, she probably will get around to it sooner or later. If counseling didn't help, the relationship is not likely to improve, although counseling may still be a good idea for you alone.
Would you consider reconciling with your wife? If that is not an option, at least stop letting Cora manipulate you. It's not going to work. Move on.
Dear Annie: I buy the newspaper every day just to read your column. I'm a 19-year-old female, and I have been seeing a 27-year-old guy who is respectful and kind. We like each other, spend time together and kiss a lot, but he tells me that even though I have all the qualities he wants in a girl, we are not "a couple."
The reason he can't be with me is because we are of different religions. I have been to his church, but I don't feel comfortable there. He says he would date me if I converted, and he wants this desperately. I like him a lot, but I don't want to convert. What should I do? Desperate in Washington State
Dear Desperate: You should find someone for whom your religion is not an issue. You are still plenty young, and a 27-year-old may be too interested in a serious relationship to be suitable for you right now. Since you apparently are not "a couple," this would be a good time to break things off before it becomes too hurtful to do so. Wish him the best, but tell him his needs are different from yours and he deserves to find someone more compatible. (So do you.)
Dear Annie: In the past few months, there have been two deaths in my state and several injuries due to drivers using cell phones. One truck driver dropped his phone, and while trying to pick it up, ran into a school bus at a stop sign. He killed one little girl and injured a parent.
I would love to see some laws passed that would help end this problem. How many people have to die first? Jim in North Carolina
Dear Jim: Actually, several states already have laws prohibiting drivers from talking on cell phones unless they are the hands-free variety. Of course, until the police ticket cell-phone users with regularity, the danger will continue.
If your state doesn't have such a law, you should lobby your state legislature to create one. Get your friends together to send letters and e-mails, and get the ball rolling. Your local newspaper can help. Good luck.
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