NEW THIS WEEK

NEW THIS WEEK
'BROKEN LIZARD'S CLUB DREAD'
s 1/2 This is loud, boorish, cheesy filmmaking at its worst, a surprising slide for the five-man comedy troupe Broken Lizard, which wrote and starred in the amusing 2002 cop farce "Super Troopers." Aiming for a medley of humor and horror, the Lizard boys achieve neither with "Club Dread," a splatter-genre spoof set on a tropical resort where a madman with a machete is hacking apart the randy, party-hearty staff. (R) for violence/gore, sexual content, language and drug use; at Austintown Plaza 10, Boulevard Centre, Cinema South, Hermitage. (Review by Associated Press)
'DIRTY DANCING: HAVANA NIGHTS'
ss Set it 1958 Cuba, this bland and flavorless "re-imagining" of the 1987 sleeper hit seems to have been designed solely for the "too-young-for-Eminem" crowd. The opposites attract couple this time are repressed daddy's girl Katey (Romola Garai) and exotic, beat-loving Javier (Diego Luna from "Y Tu Mama Tambien") who team up for a local dance competition and shock everyone with their sexy moves. Fans of the original "Dirty Dancing" should enjoy Patrick Swayze's cameo as a Havana dance instructor. (PG-13) for sensuality; at Austintown Plaza 10, Boulevard Centre, Cinema South.
'THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST'
sss Arguably the most controversial film of our time, Mel Gibson's long-gestating labor of love detailing the last 12 hours of Jesus' life has much to admire for those willing to look beyond the hype. Shot principally on location in the ancient Italian city of Metera (which convincingly doubles for the Holy Land), it has a painstaking authenticity and verisimilitude. Even the decision to have the actors speak in "street Latin" and Aramaic works exceedingly well. More debatable, however, are the punishingly elongated scenes of torture and sadism employed by Gibson in his quest for "realism." (R) for sequences of graphic violence; at Austintown Plaza 10, Boulevard Centre, Hermitage, Tinseltown, Westgate.
'TWISTED'
s 1/2 When every man she's ever slept with starts turning up dead, hard-drinking San Francisco homicide detective Ashley Judd begins to suspect that she could be a serial killer. A preposterous psycho-thriller so ludicrously unhinged and laugh-out-loud funny that it will make anyone who complained about "In the Cut" feel deeply ashamed. Directed, sadly enough, by the great Philip Kaufman ("The Right Stuff," "The Unbearable Lightness of Being") who has never made a junkier or more disposable film in his otherwise distinguished 30-plus year career. Judd, Samuel L. Jackson and Andy Garcia are wasted on stupid roles that are beneath them. (R) for violence, language and sexuality; at Austintown Plaza 10, Boulevard Centre, Hermitage, Tinseltown, Westgate.
'AGAINST THE ROPES'
s 1/2 "Inspired" by the true story of Jackie Kallen, the most successful female manager in professional boxing history, this perfectly dreadful, utterly synthetic and unaccountably cheesy docudrama doesn't contain a single believable or even compelling moment. As Kallen, poor Meg Ryan seems to be channeling the same erotic trance she affected in last fall's psychosexual thriller, "In the Cut." (PG-13) for crude language, violence, brief sensuality and some drug material; at Austintown Plaza 10, Boulevard Centre, Cinema South, Hermitage, Westgate.
'BARBERSHOP 2: BACK INBUSINESS'
sss Virtually the entire cast of Ice Cube's 2002 sleeper has been reunited, and it's once again in a charmingly cantankerous mood. When a greedy real estate developer starts gobbling up all the property on Chicago's South Side, Calvin Palmer's barbershop crew teams up to fight fire with fire. The most welcome addition to this rambunctious, thoroughly entertaining sequel is Queen Latifah as a sassy beauty salon proprietor. (PG-13) for language, sexual material and brief drug references; at Austintown Plaza 10, Boulevard Centre, Cinema South, Westgate.
'THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT'
s 1/2 In his first dramatic role, a surprisingly adept Ashton Kutcher stars as a disaffected college student who travels through time to correct a traumatic episode from his past, upsetting the balance of everything in the present. How ironic that a movie about the Chaos Theory should turn out to be so disorganized, sloppy and confusing. (R) for violence, sexual content, language and brief drug use; at Tinseltown.
'CONFESSIONS OF A TEENAGEDRAMA QUEEN'
ss Lindsay Lohan, so charming in last summer's "Freaky Friday" remake, plays the title role in Disney's latest slice of pandering tweener fluff. Forcibly transplanted to the Jersey burbs, savvy New York teen Lohan has a hard time fitting in until winning the lead in her school play. Be grateful for small favors: at least Hilary Duff is nowhere in sight. (PG) for mild thematic elements and brief language; at Austintown Plaza 10, Boulevard Centre, Cinema South, Hermitage, Westgate.
'EUROTRIP'
ss After getting dumped by his girlfriend, recent high school grad Scotty (Scott Mechlowicz) travels to Europe to hook up with Berlin-based Internet pen pal, Mieke (Jessica Boehrs). Joining Scotty for his libido-driven trek across Europe are horndog best buddy Cooper (Jacob Pitts) and twins Jenny (Michelle Trachtenberg) and Jamie (Travis Webster). A raunchy, but surprisingly unsexy teen comedy from the producers of "Old School" and "Road Trip" that reduces the birds and the bees to pesky gnats and mosquitos. (R) for sexuality, nudity, language and drug/alcohol content; at Austintown Plaza 10, Boulevard Centre, Hermitage, Tinseltown, Westgate.
'50 FIRST DATES'
sss Reunited onscreen for the first time since 1998's "The Wedding Singer," Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore make a cute screwball couple in this unexpectedly heartfelt, deeply affecting "Groundhog Day"-like romantic comedy. Since Barrymore's character suffers from a rare neurological disorder that causes her memory to be erased each night, Sandler has to make her fall in love with him every time they meet. (PG-13) for crude sexual humor and drug references; Austintown Plaza 10, Boulevard Centre, Cinema South, Hermitage, Westgate.
'THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING'
ssss Long live the "King"! Peter Jackson's feverishly anticipated conclusion to his J.R.R. Tolkien trilogy is an unprecedented, even historic achievement that immediately ranks among the greatest movie epics of all time. Each component is heightened and elevated: the stupendous visuals; the deftly nuanced, deeply felt performances; the propulsive narrative sweep and momentum; the miraculous special effects. (PG-13) for intense battle sequences and frightening images; at Cinema South.
'MIRACLE'
ss Inspired by the true story of the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team's dramatic come-from-behind victory at Lake Placid, director Gavin O'Connor's punishingly overlong Disney jock-flick is plodding, inspirational and earnest to a fault. As Coach Herb Brooks, Kurt Russell does his usual nice job despite being handicapped by a hackneyed script that reduces every character to one-note variations on nobility, selflessness and a whole lot of pluck. (PG) for language and some rough sports action; at Boulevard Centre, Hermitage, Tinseltown, Westgate.
'MYSTIC RIVER'
ssss Clint Eastwood directed this classically structured character piece about three childhood friends (Sean Penn, Tim Robbins and Kevin Bacon) from a working-class Boston neighborhood whose dark, interwoven history forces them to come to terms with a brutal murder. (R) for language and violence; at Boulevard Centre, Tinseltown.
'WELCOME TO MOOSEPORT'
ss 1/2 An ex-U.S. president (Gene Hackman, terrific as usual) decides to run for mayor of sleepy little Mooseport, Maine. After the former prez shows a romantic interest in his girlfriend, popular local guy Handy Harrison (Ray Romano, groan) promptly announces his own candidacy. While the premise sounds like a vintage 1940's Preston Sturges screwball comedy, the result is merely tolerable lite entertainment. A splendid supporting cast (including Marcia Gay Harden, Maura Tierney and Rip Torn) does a nice job of camouflaging lead Romano's charisma and talent limitations. (PG-13) for some brief sexual comments and nudity; at Austintown Plaza 10, Boulevard Centre, Cinema South, Hermitage, Westgate.
ALSO PLAYING
'BAD SANTA'
sss 1/2 Billy Bob Thornton plays a low-down dirty crook who takes a job as a department store Santa just so he can pull off a Christmas Eve heist. (R) for perverse language, strong sexual content and violence; at Cinemark.
'CATCH THAT KID'
s 1/2 After her dad is told that he needs an experimental operation costing $250,000, industrious 12-year-old Maddy (Kristen Stewart) enlists playground pals Gus (Max Thieriot) and Austin (Corbin Bleu) to help pull a bank heist. (PG) for some language, thematic elements and rude humor; at Cinemark.
'CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN'
ss Steve Martin and Bonnie Hunt are parents to 12 rambunctious tykes in this in-name-only remake of the beloved 1950 Clifton Webb-Myrna Loy perennial. A slipshod, schizophrenic affair that can't decide which demographic to court. (PG) for language and some thematic elements; at Cinemark.
'CITY OF GOD'
sss 1/2 Italian neo-realism enters the digital video age in Brazilian director Fernando Meirelles' sprawling, vividly-textured epic mosaic which spans three decades on the mean streets of Rio de Janeiro's favelas. (R) for violence, sexuality, drug content and language; at Austintown Movies 3.
'COLD MOUNTAIN'
sss 1/2 Wounded Confederate soldier Jude Law journeys back home to true Southern belle Nicole Kidman in this epic romance from director Anthony Minghella ("The English Patient") based on Charles Frazier's National Book Award-winning 1997 novel. (R) for violence and sexuality; at Cinema South.
'GIRL WITH A PEARL EARRING'
sss 1/2 Based on Tracy Chevalier's acclaimed novel, director Peter Webber's immensely accomplished first film details the erotically-charged but unconsummated relationship between 17th century Dutch painter Johannes Vermeer (Colin Firth) and the young maidservant (Scarlett Johansson of "Lost in Translation") who became his most famous model. (PG-13) for some sexual content; at Austintown Movies 3.
'GOTHIKA'
ss In this crackpot "things-that-go-bump-in-the-night" chiller, Halle Berry plays a shrink who awakens to find herself a patient in the very same asylum where she worked -- and no memory of committing a terrible crime. (R) for violence, brief language and nudity; at Cinemark.
'THE HAUNTED MANSION'
ss Workaholic real-estate agent Eddie Murphy becomes a better dad and husband thanks to some busybody spirits at a poltergeist-infested estate. (PG) for frightening images, thematic elements and language; at Cinemark.
'HOUSE OF SAND AND FOG'
ssss After being evicted from her home over nonpayment of taxes, recovering addict Jennifer Connelly fights to regain her property from its new owner, proudly stubborn Iranian immigrant Ben Kingsley. (R) for some violence, disturbing images, language and a scene of sexuality; at Austintown Movies 3.
'IN AMERICA'
ssss The first American movie by director Jim Sheridan is a sweet, joyous, life-affirming tale of Irish immigrants (Paddy Considine and Samantha Morton, both letter-perfect) attempting to forge a new life for themselves and their two young daughters (sisters Sarah and Emma Bolger) in Manhattan. (PG-13) for some sexuality, drug references, brief violence and language; at Austintown Movies 3.
'LOST IN TRANSLATION'
ssss Sofia Coppola follows up "The Virgin Suicides," her acclaimed 2000 directorial debut, with this exquisite, achingly poignant tale about an American movie star (Bill Murray) who befriends a lonely American newlywed (the dazzling Scarlett Johansson) while shooting a whiskey ad campaign in Tokyo. (R) for some sexual content; at Austintown Movies 3.
'LOVE DON'T COST A THING'
s 1/2 The charming Nick Cannon from "Drumline" plays a high school nerd who hires popular rich girl Christina Milian to pose as his girlfriend for two weeks. (PG-13) for sexual content and sexual humor; at Cinemark.
'MASTER AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD'
sss 1/2 Based on two of the late Patrick O'Brian's much-lauded 19th-century British Navy historical novels, director Peter Weir has fashioned an intimate $150-million epic that makes precious few concessions to contemporary tastes. No seafaring adventure movie has ever depicted the hardships of shipboard life, above and below deck, in such painstakingly nitty-gritty fashion. (PG-13) for intense battle sequences, related images and brief language; at Cinemark.
'MONA LISA SMILE'
sss Pretty woman Julia Roberts gets all inspirational on us as a Wellesley College art professor in 1953 who teaches her students some valuable life lessons that aren't on their assigned reading list. (PG-13) for sex, mild language; at Cinemark.
'MONSTER'
sss As Aileen Wuornos, America's first female serial killer, Charlize Theron undergoes such an amazing physical transformation that it's easy to miss just how great her performance really is. By forcing us to empathize with a mass murderer, and finding something approximating humanity underneath Wuornos' ravaged shell, Theron is frighteningly good. (R) for strong violence, sexual content and pervasive language; at Cinema South.
'PAYCHECK'
sss Based on a short story by cult sci-fi writer Philip K. Dick ("Minority Report," "Blade Runner"), director John Woo's latest big-budget action spectacular casts Ben Affleck as Michael Jennings, a hi-tech "reverse-engineer" who routinely gets his memory erased after every job. (PG-13) for intense action violence and brief language.
'SOMETHING'S GOTTA GIVE'
sss Jack Nicholson is typecast as an aging Lothario with a taste for younger babes who falls for his new lover's mother (the incomparable Diane Keaton in an absolutely fabulous performance). Adding spice to the mix is a thirtysomething doc (Keanu Reeves) who also digs Mom. (PG-13) for sexual content, brief nudity and strong language; at Tinseltown.
'21 GRAMS'
sss 1/2 The destinies of three strangers -- a college professor suffering from cardiac disease, a reformed party girl turned housewife and mother and a born-again ex-con -- collide in "Amores Perros" director Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu's first American film. Lead actors Sean Penn, Naomi Watts and Benicio Del Toro are all spectacular. (R) for language, sexuality, some violence and drug use; at Austintown Movies 3.
'YOU GOT SERVED'
ss This formulaic urban dance melodrama might have lousy acting and a terrible script, but the production numbers really bust a move. Best appreciated by hip-hop fans under 18 and adults with a high tolerance for ghetto kitsch. (PG-13) for thematic elements and sexual references; at Tinseltown, Westgate.
XReviews by Vindicator correspondent Milan Paurich unless otherwise noted.